What Alex Cooper has said about Fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment

Cooper describes fearful attachment as combining high anxiety and high avoidance rather than being one or the other.

“If you have fearful attachment, you are high anxiety and you are also high avoidance”

Call Her Daddy: Fearful/Disorganized Attachment 101 (Aug 30, 2026) · Listen from 0:00

Cooper identifies two core self-esteem wounds of fearful attachment: believing oneself defective and expecting betrayal.

“you believe I am inherently defective and unlovable”

Call Her Daddy: Fearful/Disorganized Attachment 101 (Aug 30, 2026) · Listen from 7:20

Cooper uses a driving analogy to describe the simultaneous pursuit and terror of intimacy in fearful attachment.

“it feels like you are driving with one foot slammed on the gas. And then the other is slamming on the brake”

Call Her Daddy: Fearful/Disorganized Attachment 101 (Aug 30, 2026) · Listen from 9:48

Cooper describes a panic phase in which a fearfully attached person who has pulled away flips to chasing when the partner matches their withdrawal.

“your fear of abandonment immediately is triggered. And you suddenly flip back to like high anxiety”

Call Her Daddy: Fearful/Disorganized Attachment 101 (Aug 30, 2026) · Listen from 12:19