Achievement pressure on children

Peter GrayAmerican evolutionary psychologist and author of Free to Learn and Restoring Childhood

• Gray distinguishes supporting a child's own ambitions from controlling a child to reach a parent's goal, calling the latter toxic.

  “if I say I want my kid to go to Harvard and I'm going to control my kid in such a way to try to get him into Harvard, that is extraordinarily toxic on the child”

  TED Radio Hour: Have we forgotten how to play? (Oct 16, 2026) · Listen from 25:39

• Gray says students at high-achievement schools have higher rates of anxiety and depression than the national average.

  “the rates of anxiety and depression among students at those schools is higher even than the national average, which is already very high”

  TED Radio Hour: Have we forgotten how to play? (Oct 16, 2026) · Listen from 24:22

• Gray argues that larger gaps between rich and poor make parents more motivated to control children's lives to build resumes.

  “the bigger the gap between rich and poor, the more motivated parents are to try to control their children's lives in a way that might be regarded as producing a positive resume”

  TED Radio Hour: Have we forgotten how to play? (Oct 16, 2026) · Listen from 17:26

• Gray says surveys of children consistently identify school as the top cause of their anxiety and depression.

  “are surveyed about the causes of their anxiety and depression, school comes out way on top”

  TED Radio Hour: Have we forgotten how to play? (Oct 16, 2026) · Listen from 16:43