Sheila Heen
Deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project and co-author of Difficult Conversations
Sheila Heen (Deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project and co-author of Difficult Conversations) has appeared as a guest on 1 episode in TMT. Topics they speak about most include Conflict repair in relationships, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Gottman).
In their words
Positions and remarks grouped by topic, each with the exact quote and where it was said.
Conflict repair in relationships
Heen stresses that asking a partner what they are worried about must be a genuine question rather than a rhetorical attack.
“And it needs to be a genuine ask. You can't say like, what are you worried about? Because that's really a hot question”
The Tim Ferriss Show: #880: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (Aug 19, 2026) · Listen from 26:55
Heen says a joke during an escalating argument works as an invitation to step outside and see the pattern.
“one of the spouses will often make a joke. But the purpose of the joke is that it's an invitation to step outside this argument and to see it for what it is”
The Tim Ferriss Show: #880: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (Aug 19, 2026) · Listen from 23:14
Heen argues that difficult conversations are not merely part of important relationships but constitute the relationship itself.
“it's not just that we have difficult conversations in our most important relationships. Those conversations are the relationship”
The Tim Ferriss Show: #880: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (Aug 19, 2026) · Listen from 23:43
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Gottman)
Heen reports that Gottman can watch five minutes of a couple's difficult conversation and predict divorce with roughly 90 percent accuracy.
“he can watch for five minutes and predict with their different numbers based on his different studies, but 90-ish, 90, 92% accuracy whether they'll divorce within three or five years”
The Tim Ferriss Show: #880: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (Aug 19, 2026) · Listen from 23:29
Appearances
#880: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting LoveThe Tim Ferriss Show · Aug 19, 2026 · 57 min
Tim Ferriss compiles advice from Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Brad Feld, Sue Johnson, Terry Real and others on sustaining long-term relationships.
Often appears with
- Tim Ferriss · 1 shared episode
- Esther Perel · 1 shared episode
- Brené Brown · 1 shared episode
- Brad Feld · 1 shared episode
- Jim Dethmer · 1 shared episode
- Sue Johnson · 1 shared episode
- Terry Real · 1 shared episode
- Diana Chapman · 1 shared episode