Why Desire Is Judged Differently For Men And Women... | Nadège | DSH #2005

Episode of Digital Social Hour · June 7, 2026 · 52 min

Sex scholar Nadège tells Sean Kelly about shame, mismatched libidos, open relationships, the history of marriage, the manosphere, simps, masculinity, and astrology.

Summary

Sean Kelly hosted Nadège, a Berkeley-trained sex scholar and dominatrix, for a conversation about desire, intimacy, and relationships. Nadège argued that women are as sexual as men but are socialized to handle sexual shame differently. She advised couples to avoid defaulting to evening or weekend sex, and she preferred scheduled "intimacy playdates" to scheduled sex. For mismatched libidos, she recommended accepting the situation, broadening the definition of sex, and possibly opening the relationship or using sex workers, citing a client couple where this approach worked.

Nadège said open relationships often strengthen couples. She defended the sex work industry as comparatively consent-focused and called porn a symptom rather than the problem, comparing it to romantic comedies and K-pop parasocial content. She contrasted French and American dating culture and gave her account of the history of marriage. In that account, a shift from child-centered matriarchal societies to patriarchy produced monogamy and marriage as tools for protecting property and inheritance, and Christianity and the printing press further suppressed goddess worship and women healers. She also discussed gender-crossing historical figures such as Hatshepsut.

The pair discussed Louis Theroux's manosphere documentary. Nadège argued that manosphere leaders such as Andrew Tate profit by keeping men weak and turning them into "drones." She described jealousy as a compass pointing toward what one wants, and said masculinity is self-defined. The conversation closed with her astrology-based book, which she described as a number one bestseller, the overlap she sees between the chakras and the endocrine system, and her free flirt-style quiz.

Chapters

  1. 0:29

    Timing and scheduling sex

    Nadège explains why evening and weekend sex routines often fail and recommends scheduled intimacy playdates over scheduled sex.

  2. 5:39

    Mismatched libidos

    She outlines accepting the situation, expanding the definition of sex, and opening the relationship or using sex work, with a client example.

  3. 8:31

    Open relationships and gendered double standards

    Nadège argues that opening relationships often strengthens couples and that social conditioning, not differing desire, shapes how men and women experience sex.

  4. 13:22

    Porn, sex work, and romance media

    She calls porn a symptom rather than the problem and compares its dynamics to romantic comedies and K-pop parasocial content.

  5. 18:06

    French dating culture

    Nadège contrasts the organic French approach to dating with rigid American courtship norms and describes her own attachment history.

  6. 21:09

    History of marriage, matriarchy, and patriarchy

    She traces monogamy and marriage to the rise of patriarchy and property, discusses gender-crossing historical figures, and describes Christianity's role in suppressing goddess worship.

  7. 31:24

    The manosphere documentary, polyamory, and jealousy

    The pair discuss Louis Theroux's manosphere documentary, the bandwidth needed for polyamory, and jealousy as a compass.

  8. 40:26

    Simps and self-defined masculinity

    Nadège distinguishes genuine submissives from people pleasers and argues that masculinity is individually defined.

  9. 46:46

    Astrology, chakras, and the book

    She discusses her astrology book, the overlap she sees between the chakras and the endocrine system, and sign compatibility.

  10. 52:46

    Flirt styles and close

    Nadège promotes her free flirt-style quiz as a tool for singles and couples.

Key points

What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.

  • Nadège

    Nadège recommends that struggling couples stop having sex in the evening, since most adults lack energy then.

    “if they're struggling with sex, one of the first things I look at is what time of the day are you having sex?”

    Listen from 2:28 · Scheduled intimacy

  • Nadège

    Nadège says scheduling sex is good but scheduling pressure-free intimacy playdates is better.

    “So scheduling sex is good. Scheduling intimacy playdates is better”

    Listen from 3:17 · Scheduled intimacy

  • Nadège

    Nadège says studies show couples have more spontaneous sex when they schedule sex or intimacy.

    “studies show you have more spontaneous sex when you schedule sex or intimacy”

    Listen from 5:08 · Scheduled intimacy

  • Nadège

    Nadège recounts that a client couple, in which the wife became chronically ill, resolved their mismatched libido by having the husband see sex workers within agreed boundaries.

    “he just started seeking out brothels and sex workers and he was able to get his sexual needs met”

    Listen from 6:03 · Sex work

  • Nadège

    Nadège advises couples with mismatched libidos to first accept the situation and then expand their definition of sex beyond penetration.

    “What if sex is mutual masturbation? So now we have a whole appetite of things we can do”

    Listen from 6:27 · Mismatched libido

  • Nadège

    Nadège argues that opening a relationship often strengthens couples, and that a relationship which ends after opening likely had other underlying problems.

    “if opening up a relationship made the relationship end, it was probably because of something else”

    Listen from 9:06 · Open relationships

  • Nadège

    Nadège argues that women are just as sexual as men but are socialized to satisfy sexual needs through solo pleasure or abstinence because of slut-shaming.

    “But women are just as horny. But in a world where women are taught that if you're sexual, you're a slut, and if you're a slut, you're of lower value”

    Listen from 12:39 · Sexual desire and gender socialization

  • Nadège

    Nadège claims that porn and sex work do not rank among the top 10 industries for sexual harassment.

    “of the top 10 industries in the entire world where sexual harassment happens, porn and sex work doesn't even make the top 10”

    Listen from 13:26 · Sex work

  • Nadège

    Nadège contends that porn is a symptom rather than the problem, pointing to social media and romantic comedies as comparable issues.

    “no, porn is a symptom. But if you're going to look at porn as the problem, you're missing the whole”

    Listen from 14:09 · Pornography

  • Nadège

    Nadège argues that the legal marriage system arose with patriarchy to let men protect their property and inheritance.

    “As we shifted from matriarchal cultures to patriarchal cultures, men needed a way to make sure that their inheritance was safe”

    Listen from 19:55 · History of marriage

  • Nadège

    Nadège defines matriarchy as a child-centered, rather than woman-centered, social organization.

    “patriarchy is where men are the center. Right. And in matriarchy, children are the center”

    Listen from 19:55 · Matriarchy and patriarchy

  • Nadège

    Nadège describes jealousy as a compass that reveals what a person wants.

    “I love thinking of jealousy as a compass. You only get jealous when someone has what you want”

    Listen from 34:40 · Jealousy

  • Nadège

    Nadège says her main critique of the manosphere is that its leaders profit by turning weak men into drones.

    “My biggest critique is that the men at the top of the manosphere are just creating drones out of these men who are weak”

    Listen from 36:34 · Manosphere

  • Nadège

    Nadège disputes that the documentary was a hit piece, saying Louis Theroux was fairly generous and gentle.

    “i thought that louis thoreau was kind of being generous and gentle to a degree”

    Listen from 38:10 · Inside the Manosphere (Louis Theroux documentary)

  • Nadège

    Nadège suggests the manosphere itself creates simps because figures like Andrew Tate act as magnetic bullies toward their audiences.

    “I feel like the manosphere movement creates simps. Because Andrew Tate and all of these big guys are kind of like magnetic bullies”

    Listen from 42:09 · Manosphere

  • Nadège

    Nadège argues that masculinity is self-defined and that letting others define it undermines a person's power.

    “the biggest lie that will take you away from your power is letting other people tell you what masculinity is”

    Listen from 43:44 · Masculinity

  • Nadège

    Nadège claims that chakra locations align with the hot spots of the endocrine system.

    “All of the centers that the chakras are aligned in in the tantra practice are the hot spots in the endocrine system”

    Listen from 47:00 · Astrology

People

In the conversation

  • Sean KellyHost of the Digital Social Hour podcast
  • NadègeFrench-American sex scholar, dominatrix, and author behind Pleasure Science

Discussed

Topics

More from Digital Social Hour

From the publisher

What if most people are thinking about sex, desire, and intimacy completely wrong? In this episode of Digital Social Hour, sex scholar Nadège breaks down why women are just as sexual as men, why shame changes the way people experience desire, and why many couples lose connection because they never actually talk about what they want. The conversation dives into sexual conditioning, mismatched libidos, scheduled intimacy, open relationships, sex work, French dating culture, the history of marriage, matriarchy, patriarchy, the manosphere, incels, simps, jealousy, masculine and feminine energy, astrology, chakras, and how people can build more honest relationships. Nadège also explains why intimacy is not just about sex, why attraction is deeply tied to communication, and why learning how you flirt may change the way you connect with people forever. Chapters 0:00 Shame, desire, and relationship conditioning 0:30 Meet sex scholar Inna Dash 1:24 Why couples misunderstand timing and connection 5:05 Mismatched desire and redefining intimacy 8:14 Open relationships, boundaries, and consent 18:22 French dating culture and the history of marriage 25:00 Matriarchy, patriarchy, and relationship dynamics 30:00 The manosphere, incels, simps, and modern masculinity 42:04 Feminine energy, astrology, chakras, and body awareness 50:13 Flirt styles, intimacy, and final thoughts What You’ll Learn 🧠 How shame affects the way people experience relationships 💬 Why communication can change attraction and connection ❤️ How couples can better understand each other’s needs ⚖️ Why boundaries and honesty matter in every relationship ✨ How flirt styles reveal the way people connect 🎙️ APPLY OR CONNECT 👉 Interested in being a guest? Apply here: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/apply What if the biggest threat to America isn’t one politician, one party, or one recession? 💼 SPONSORS FANVUE: www.fanvue.com Legendz Casino: http://legendz.com/en-US/DSH and http://legendz.io/?ref=DSH Code: DSH Go…

Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on September 28, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.

Categories: Sexuality·Relationships·History