Orna Guralnik

Guralnik says it typically takes her about two years to feel she truly knows a patient.

“I always feel like with my patients, it takes me two years to feel like I know this person”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 48:27

Guralnik suggests a reluctant partner can be persuaded to try couples therapy through bartering.

“Ask your partner, give it a try or barter, you know, say something like, if you come with me to couples therapy, I'll offer this for you”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 7:09

Guralnik argues that couples who wait too long to seek therapy may have too little goodwill, love, or hope left to resurrect the relationship.

“By the time they come in, there's just like not enough goodwill left in them, not enough love or not enough hope”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 6:23

Guralnik says she does not believe everyone should be in couples therapy, but that there is a specific window when it is a good idea.

“I'm not of the school that believes that everyone should be in couples therapy and it's always good. I don't think so”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 4:39

Guralnik draws the line at conflict driven by the thrill of injury or retaliation, while noting not every fight is abuse.

“if the thrill of injury is what takes over or of retaliation or injury, that's when I draw the line and I'm like, no”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 19:14

Guralnik argues relationships are not meant to be picture-perfect and that partners using and discharging on each other in small ways is part of life.

“relationships are not supposed to be this kind of hallmark, picture-perfect sweetness thing. It's a place where people live and discharge on each other”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 18:13

Guralnik recommends keeping an inner voice reminding oneself that a fight is probably about more than the surface issue, and pausing when overheated.

“I'm sure it's not only about this. There must be other things going on for me that I'm not exactly aware of right now”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 15:05

Guralnik says a key issue in arguments is noticing whether one is trying to convince the partner versus trying to understand them.

“Are you noticing when you're busy trying to convince your partner of something? And when are you actually trying to understand them?”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 11:46

Guralnik says relationships move too fast when people assume they know more about each other than they do to avoid the discomfort of unfamiliarity.

“the idea of like moving too fast is when you assume you know more than you do. when you think you got it, you understood everything about them”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 48:54

Guralnik recommends translating grievances into requests rather than complaints.

“Frame things as requests as opposed to as complaints. I mean, that's always a good piece of advice”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 37:35

Guralnik advises that many sexual differences are best addressed nonverbally, in real time through the body, rather than through language.

“I would actually not start with language. Okay. A lot of sexual needs and differences, it's great to resolve”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 34:42

Guralnik observes that the bedroom often becomes an arena where couples work out unrelated grievances, causing polarization.

“the bedroom is often where people sadly work out other agendas. So someone could be like mad at their partner for, I don't know, like not picking up the slack”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 32:25

Guralnik distinguishes caring for a partner from becoming enmeshed in them, which she says is not truly an act of care.

“there's a difference between caring for another person and taking care of them and getting kind of enmeshed symbiotic lost in someone else which is not actually an act of care”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 44:23

Guralnik says early patterns with caregivers set lifelong expectations about whether the world will respond when one is in distress, even without neglect or abuse.

“Do I have that incredible trust that when I'm in distress, help will come? Those are really early things that get established”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 41:32

Guralnik says people who feel damaged or ashamed sometimes choose situations that reinforce that negative self-view.

“when a person feels on some level damage or bad about themselves or shame about certain aspects of themselves they at times go for situations that reinforce that view of themselves”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 23:23

Guralnik explains that the classical psychoanalytic account of attraction to toxic relationships is repetition compulsion, repeating an unresolved past dynamic.

“why people get pulled towards like abusive and toxic relationships is that it's some form of what we call in jargon repetition compulsion”

Call Her Daddy: Dr. Orna Guralnik: Couples Therapy 101 (FBF) (Nov 4, 2026) · Listen from 22:04