Dr. Becky: Parenting 101

Episode of Call Her Daddy · September 16, 2026 · 1 h 35 min

Alex Cooper talks with clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy about sturdy parenting, boundaries, confidence, attachment, repair, fertility struggles and early motherhood.

Summary

Alex Cooper, who discussed preparing to become a mother, interviewed clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy about her Good Inside parenting philosophy. Kennedy explained her premise that children are born good inside but with all the feelings and none of the skills, and argued that the term gentle parenting never appealed to her; she instead advocated being a "sturdy" parent, illustrated through a metaphor of three airline pilots responding to turbulence.

Kennedy discussed co-parenting with differing styles, recommending that partners avoid undermining each other in front of children and revisit disagreements later. She described being "long-term greedy," defined confidence as self-trust rather than feeling good, and distinguished boundaries (what a parent will do, requiring nothing of the child) from requests. She shared her own history as a "good girl" and people pleaser, including anorexia before college, and emphasized repair as the most important parenting skill, citing Fairbairn on children's tendency toward self-blame.

The conversation turned to fertility, where Kennedy disclosed she used IVF for all her children, and to postpartum experiences, including boredom, the absence of maternal instinct, intrusive thoughts, and her own crash after an emergency C-section. A rapid-fire segment covered screen time, bribery, entitlement, in-laws, parent preference, bullying and crying in front of children. Kennedy closed by describing Good Inside's new focus on pregnancy and babies, her children's books, and advice that new mothers keep alive the things that make them feel like themselves.

Chapters

0:15
Good Inside philosophy
Kennedy explains that kids are born good inside with feelings but no skills, and why mindset precedes strategy.
3:36
Gentle versus sturdy parenting
Kennedy critiques gentle parenting, introduces sturdiness, and warns that letting feelings dictate decisions can breed narcissism.
8:49
The pilot metaphor
Kennedy describes three pilots responding to turbulence as models of reactive, boundaryless, and sturdy parenting.
15:10
Parents with different styles
Kennedy discusses how childhood shapes parenting and advises against undermining a partner in front of the child.
20:47
Long-term greedy and confidence
Kennedy explains optimizing for long-term skills over short-term comfort and defines confidence as self-trust.
34:32
Defining boundaries
Kennedy distinguishes boundaries from requests using elevator and couch examples and shares her people-pleasing and anorexia history.
45:59
Perfect parenting, attachment and repair
Kennedy argues perfect parenting is impossible and undesirable, discusses attachment styles, triggers and the importance of repair.
58:07
Fertility struggles
Kennedy shares her IVF experience and argues fault is not a helpful framework.
1:04:30
New motherhood feelings
Kennedy addresses boredom, maternal instinct, postpartum body changes, intrusive thoughts and missing work, including her own postpartum crash.
1:20:23
Rapid-fire parenting questions
Kennedy answers quick questions on 'I hate you,' screen time, bribing, entitlement, in-laws, parent preference, bullying and crying.
1:28:03
Current work and final advice
Kennedy describes Good Inside's focus on pregnancy and babies, her children's books, and urges new mothers to preserve their identity.

Key points

What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.

Becky Kennedy
Kennedy argues that children are born good but with all feelings and no skills, which explains why good kids do bad things.
“kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills. And so that's why good kids do a lot of bad things”
Listen from 1:43 · Good Inside
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy says the term gentle parenting never appealed to her and she prefers the idea of being a sturdy parent.
“the term gentle parenting, what I can say, has never appealed to me because when I think about my best parenting moments, gentle is just so far down the list”
Listen from 4:42 · Gentle parenting
Alex Cooper
Cooper says her mother's willingness to say no and set boundaries made her feel safe as a child.
“my mother like telling me no and giving me boundaries, it actually allowed me as a child to feel safe”
Listen from 6:06 · Personal boundaries
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy warns that letting children's feelings change the world around them can lead to narcissism and unhealthy relationships.
“it's a really dangerous thing for people to think my feelings give me the right to change the world around me”
Listen from 7:35 · Gentle parenting
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy argues children cannot develop coping skills if parents always provide an escape from difficult feelings.
“if every time you feel a feeling, your parent gives you an exit ramp, you're going to expect the world to give you exit ramps”
Listen from 8:43 · Sturdy parenting
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy says parental differences are hardest on children when they produce undermining and overt conflict in front of the child.
“the thing that's hardest for the kid is when those differences lead to a lot of undermining and overt conflict with the kid”
Listen from 16:45 · Co-parenting
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy argues confidence is self-trust rather than feeling good about oneself.
“I think we've been fed this idea that confidence means feeling good about yourself. But I believe confidence is self-trust, which is a very different game”
Listen from 27:18 · Self-confidence in children
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy says parents now focus too much on believing children and not enough on believing in them.
“I feel like we've started to focus a little too much on the I believe you part and not enough, which is also a part of confidence on the I believe in you part”
Listen from 33:22 · Self-confidence in children
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy defines a boundary as something a parent says they will do that requires nothing from the child.
“boundaries are something you tell your kid you will do and they require your kid to do nothing”
Listen from 35:45 · Personal boundaries
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy describes the 'good girl' as someone who attends to others' needs while ignoring her own.
“this is someone who has learned to gaze out and notice everyone's needs and take care of them. at the exclusion of gazing in and wondering what their own needs are”
Listen from 41:49 · People pleasing
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy shares that she had anorexia before college and views it as a struggle with desire.
“I think one of my first times where that came into major conflict was probably my anorexia before I went to college”
Listen from 44:13 · Anorexia nervosa
Linked moment · 45:59Skip to 45:59 using a listen link in the info box.
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy argues adult attraction reflects early attachment, so a perfect parent would set children up poorly.
“I happen to think attraction is just an activation of your earliest attachment system. It's what feels like home”
Listen from 47:55 · Attachment theory
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy says repair, taking accountability after mistakes, matters more than anything in parenting.
“there's nothing that matters as much as repair with your kid. And repairing is taking accountability for something, saying you want to try something again”
Listen from 54:30 · Rupture and repair
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy explains that without repair, children cope by self-blaming or doubting their own perceptions.
“And so what does my kid need to do to get back to baseline if I don't repair? They generally do two things. They self-blame”
Listen from 56:44 · Rupture and repair
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy discloses she did IVF for all her children and describes infertility as feeling like a failure as a mother before becoming one.
“I did IVF for all my children too. So first of all, I'd say from life experience, like, yeah, I've been there and it stinks”
Listen from 58:41 · In vitro fertilisation
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy says obsessive-compulsive thoughts after having a baby are among the most common forms of postpartum anxiety.
“kind of obsessive compulsive thoughts after you have a baby are one of the most common forms of anxiety”
Listen from 1:12:45 · Intrusive thoughts
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy recounts that after an emergency C-section she overexerted herself, crashed and had to return to the hospital.
“I completely crashed. I mean, I had to go back to the hospital. It was like so bad”
Listen from 1:19:03 · Postpartum period
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy characterizes screen time as a short-term fix that creates longer-term problems.
“screen time tends to be the solution to the problem today and the cause of the problem tomorrow”
Listen from 1:20:53 · Screen time
Becky Kennedy
Kennedy argues entitled children are those who never learned to tolerate frustration.
“Entitled kids are kids who've never learned how to tolerate frustration. And worse, they're kids whose frustration was met with an exit ramp”
Listen from 1:21:31 · Sturdy parenting

People

In the conversation

Alex CooperAmerican podcaster and media entrepreneur, host of Call Her Daddy
Becky KennedyAmerican clinical psychologist and founder of the parenting platform Good Inside

Discussed

Ronald FairbairnScottish psychoanalyst quoted by Kennedy on children's self-blame
Robert MunschCanadian children's author whose books Kennedy praised

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From the publisher

Join Alex in the studio for a conversation with parenting expert Dr. Becky Kennedy. Dr. Becky explains what it means to be a sturdy parent and how to raise confident kids, set boundaries, and give your children the tools they need for long-term success. She gets into why your kids can trigger you, how your own childhood can show up in the way you parent, and what to do when you and your partner have different parenting styles. Dr. Becky also shares how to let go of the pressure to be the “perfect” parent, move through mom guilt, trust yourself through the hard moments, and hold onto your identity along the way. Enjoy!

Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on October 25, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.

Categories: Parenting·Mental Health·Relationships