How to Heal Your Trust Issues

Episode of Call Her Daddy · October 4, 2026 · 45 min

Alex Cooper reflects on how a deceptive early relationship gave her trust issues and how she learned to trust again with her husband Matt Kaplan.

Summary

In this solo Sunday episode, Alex Cooper opened with Football Sunday banter about the Eagles–Rams rivalry in her household and her pregnancy, then turned to the relationship that shapes all subsequent ones. She described one of her first serious relationships, with an older boyfriend in Pennsylvania who made her feel paranoid when she questioned inconsistencies, culminating in her discovering him at a house party with his ex on his lap after he had claimed he was staying home. Cooper said she took him back and stopped trusting herself.

Cooper argued that hypervigilance develops because it once worked, and that the cycle of insecurity followed by relief can become addictive. She recounted how, at college in Boston, she sabotaged a relationship with a kind hockey player by picking fights, then sought out a man who reactivated her trust issues, confusing intensity with intimacy.

She described testing her now-husband Matt early in their relationship during a Hamptons trip, which she called self-sabotage, and how openly admitting her history let him offer reassurance. Cooper argued that trust requires tolerating uncertainty, that checking a partner's phone is a trap with no endpoint, and that trust grows from repeated consistency between words and actions. She closed by saying a healthy relationship is not boring and that healing requires inner work and wanting better for oneself.

Chapters

0:00
Football Sunday intro
Cooper discusses the Eagles–Rams game dividing her and her husband's families and her Erin Andrews outfit.
2:24
The relationship that gave you trust issues
Cooper introduces the theme and admits to past snooping behaviors like going through phones and checking Instagram activity.
5:59
The older boyfriend and his ex
Cooper describes a power-imbalanced relationship in which her boyfriend dismissed her concerns about his ex as paranoia.
9:31
The house party
Cooper recounts discovering her boyfriend with his ex on his lap at a party he said he would skip, and his angry reaction.
13:59
How hypervigilance is learned
Cooper explains how confirmed suspicions trained her to stay on guard and how the cycle of fighting and making up felt like love.
17:31
College relationships in Boston
Cooper describes sabotaging a trustworthy hockey player boyfriend and later seeking a man who triggered her trust issues.
23:34
Meeting Matt and testing him
Cooper recounts self-sabotaging during a Hamptons trip early in her relationship with Matt and his mature response.
30:55
Old patterns in new relationships
Cooper describes how past betrayal shapes reactions to new partners and the toll it takes on the partner proving their innocence.
34:38
Breaking the pattern
Cooper argues trust requires tolerating uncertainty and is built through consistent behavior and communication instead of investigation.
39:21
Healing and closing
Cooper discusses inner work, partners healing each other, and closes with pregnancy and Eagles talk.

Key points

What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.

Alex Cooper
Cooper admits to having snooped on partners, including going through phones and obtaining Instagram passwords.
“I have gone through phones, I have interrogated, I've gotten the Instagram password”
Listen from 2:24 · Trust issues in relationships
Alex Cooper
Cooper recounts that when she questioned her early boyfriend's inconsistencies, he made her feel crazy and accused her of suffocating him.
“he would say things to me like, i was suffocating him or i'm paranoid or i don't trust him and i'm ruining our relationship”
Listen from 5:59 · Gaslighting
Alex Cooper
Cooper describes finding her boyfriend at a party with his ex on his lap after he had said he was staying home.
“he's sitting on like a lounge chair and his ex is sitting on his lap and they're like in each other's faces, fully flirting”
Listen from 9:31 · Infidelity
Alex Cooper
Cooper argues hypervigilance develops because it once proved effective at uncovering deception.
“Sometimes hypervigilance develops because at one point the hypervigilance worked, right?”
Listen from 12:44 · Hypervigilance
Alex Cooper
Cooper argues people can become addicted to the relief of a partner temporarily restoring their sense of security.
“You can become addicted to the relief you experience when the person you're seeing temporarily stops treating you so horribly”
Listen from 15:08 · Trust issues in relationships
Alex Cooper
Cooper says she broke up with a trustworthy college boyfriend after repeatedly picking fights out of distrust and guilt.
“I became self-aware enough to realize like, this is so unfair to this man. I'm basically torturing this man”
Listen from 18:44 · Self-sabotage
Alex Cooper
Cooper argues attraction to toxic partners reflects learned patterns rather than enjoying mistreatment.
“our brains learn patterns and familiar doesn't always mean healthy, but sometimes familiar just means I have been here before”
Listen from 22:23 · Trust issues in relationships
Linked moment · 23:34Skip to 23:34 using a listen link in the info box.
Alex Cooper
Cooper says she tried to provoke chaos during a Hamptons trip early in her relationship with Matt because things were going too well.
“I was just trying to create something. the chaos myself. Things were going too well in our relationship. And I think that honestly scared me so much”
Listen from 25:57 · Self-sabotage
Alex Cooper
Cooper describes the partner's side of trust issues as being forced to prove innocence for someone else's wrongdoing.
“Imagine constantly having to prove your innocence for a crime someone else committed”
Listen from 32:12 · Trust issues in relationships
Alex Cooper
Cooper argues seeking certainty by checking a partner's phone is a trap, and trust requires tolerating not knowing everything.
“At some point, trust requires tolerating the fact that you cannot know everything”
Listen from 33:25 · Trust issues in relationships
Alex Cooper
Cooper says trust with Matt grew from his words and behavior consistently matching over time.
“this person has consistently shown me that his words and his behaviors match over and over and over and over again”
Listen from 35:47 · Marriage and long-term partnership
Alex Cooper
Cooper says she had to stop testing Matt and choose communication over investigation.
“I had to stop testing him. I had to communicate instead of investigate”
Listen from 37:03 · Marriage and long-term partnership
Alex Cooper
Cooper argues a healthy relationship is not boring and provides a more lasting feeling than a turbulent one.
“that is a type of high that is so much better than the other type of high. Because it doesn't go away”
Listen from 41:41 · Marriage and long-term partnership

People

In the conversation

Alex CooperAmerican podcaster and media entrepreneur, host of Call Her Daddy

Discussed

Matt KaplanSubject of a rumored Vanity Fair article
Erin AndrewsAmerican sportscaster who gave Cooper Eagles gear after an interview

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From the publisher

This week, Alex is unpacking where trust issues come from and how they show up. Alex reflects on the relationships that completely warped her idea of love and her sense of security. From expecting the worst to questioning what’s real, she breaks down how past hurt can follow you into new relationships and what it looks like to unlearn the habits you once needed to protect yourself. Enjoy!

Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on October 25, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.

Categories: Relationships·Mental Health