"Stephen Colbert"
Episode of SmartLess · April 6, 2026 · 1 h 5 min
Stephen Colbert joins the SmartLess hosts for their 300th episode to discuss sketch-comedy beginnings, the end of his Late Show, and Lord of the Rings fandom.
Summary
For the 300th episode of SmartLess, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Will Arnett thanked their production team and listeners and announced a live show at the Hollywood Bowl on October 17, with tickets going on sale April 10 and a presale on April 8. Their guest was Stephen Colbert, who had previously appeared in the show's earliest episodes.
Colbert recounted his early career: moving from Second City in Chicago to New York in 1994 for HBO's sketch series Exit 57, living in a seminary dormitory, and then working on The Dana Carvey Show alongside Steve Carell, Louis C.K., Robert Smigel and Charlie Kaufman, a show he said was badly matched with its Home Improvement lead-in and was cancelled after seven aired episodes. He also described turning down a paid offer to be Magic Johnson's sidekick on The Magic Hour while his wife was pregnant and the couple was unemployed, a decision she later endorsed.
Asked repeatedly about the end of The Late Show, Colbert said he had little time to process it because the daily grind consumed him, compared hosting to riding a flaming toboggan downhill, and said he remained grateful for eleven years and attached to his staff, whom he called "the joy machine." He said the final broadcast was set for May 21 and that he had asked the Pope to be his last guest. He said he did not know what he would do afterward, cited Bill Hader's post-SNL stint writing for South Park as a model of serving work one admires, and joked about a podcast called "A Dangerous Thing" built on confident misinformation.
The conversation also covered boxing and MMA, including the Mike Tyson–Jake Paul fight, bullfighting and Colbert's mother's enthusiasm at a Madrid bullfight, and Colbert's fandom for Star Wars, which he saw at age 13 three weeks before national release via a radio-station ticket giveaway, and for The Lord of the Rings, whose film trilogy he called the only perfect trilogy. The hosts closed with mutual expressions of affection over six years of the show.
Chapters
- 0:01
300th episode and Hollywood Bowl announcement
The hosts mark the show's 300th episode, thank their producers and team, and announce a live SmartLess show at the Hollywood Bowl on October 17 with presale details.
- 5:47
Introducing Stephen Colbert
Will Arnett gives a mock résumé introduction and Colbert riffs on climbing Everest shirts-versus-skins with his middle-school debate team.
- 10:13
Early New York years and sketch comedy
Colbert describes leaving Second City for HBO's Exit 57, living in a theological seminary, and the talent-packed but doomed Dana Carvey Show.
- 16:03
A mock late-night audition
The group stages a fake talk show with Bateman as host and Colbert as guest, leading to jokes about short segments and last guests.
- 21:01
Lord of the Rings memorabilia and dork chat
Colbert shows off a Middle-earth map, chain mail from Viggo Mortensen's armor, and a chocolate Aragorn.
- 23:06
Good guests, bad guests and the end of The Late Show
Colbert describes what makes a great talk-show guest, the daily intensity of hosting, and his feelings about the show ending on May 21.
- 31:02
Pilot season, the O.J. chase and the Thomas Guide
Colbert recalls auditioning in Los Angeles in the pre-cell-phone era and tracking the O.J. Simpson freeway chase with a Thomas Guide.
- 37:11
Turning down The Magic Hour
Colbert recounts being offered the sidekick job on Magic Johnson's talk show and deciding to refuse it despite being unemployed with a pregnant wife.
- 42:01
What comes next
Colbert says he has no firm plans, admires Bill Hader's choice to write for South Park after SNL, and jokes about pay-per-view MMA.
- 46:21
Boxing, bullfighting and heritage
The group debates the appeal of boxing, the Tyson–Jake Paul fight, and Colbert describes bullfighting in Spain and France and his mother's reaction at a Madrid bullring.
- 54:19
Star Wars in 1977 and Lord of the Rings fandom
Colbert recounts winning early Star Wars tickets from a Charleston radio station and argues the Lord of the Rings films are the only perfect trilogy.
- 59:44
Goodbyes and 300th-episode reflections
Colbert thanks the hosts and they reflect on six years of friendship and the show.
Key points
What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.
- Sean HayesPrediction · being checked
Hayes announced that SmartLess will perform at the Hollywood Bowl on Saturday, October 17, with tickets on sale April 10.
“It is Saturday, October 17th. This is a true story. We're really doing it”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said The Dana Carvey Show was a poor fit for its ABC time slot following Home Improvement and was doomed from the start.
“This was on ABC at like 8.30 or something after Home Improvement, whatever, after Home Improvement. It was a pure mismatch. They did not go together at all”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert recounted that the show had a 13-episode commitment but only eight were shot and seven aired.
“it was a 13-episode commitment, 13-episode buyout. That's why I moved to New York, you know, security. And then we shot eight of them, and seven of them went to air”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said 21 years of reading from a prompter has left him unsure he can still memorize lines for acting roles.
“it has been 21 years that I've been latched to a prompter. I don't know if I have the old cerebellum left to memorize”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert compared hosting a nightly network talk show to riding a flaming toboggan downhill while blindfolded.
“Do you enjoy like riding in a flaming toboggan down a hill and the whole point is to not hit a tree by 1230 at night? Because that's what it feels like more than anything else”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said the only guest he could imagine for his final show would be the Pope, and that he has written to ask him.
“The only thing I could possibly imagine would be the right last guest is the Pope. Mm-hmm, sure. I've written, I've asked. I've asked him to come on”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said the best guests are those who simply want a real conversation rather than sticking to prepared cards.
“The best guests are just anybody who wants to talk and actually have a conversation. Like, the card is immaterial. We don't have to stick to the card”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert described his staff's ethos as a 'joy machine,' arguing the work must be done with joy or it becomes miserable.
“We call it the joy machine because it's a machine all the time. And you can either do it with joy or not do it with joy”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said he remains happy and grateful for eleven years of the show and is already missing his colleagues.
“Still very happy and grateful to have done the show for 11 years. Of course. And pre-missing everyone”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said he rarely tested for network roles because he was really a writer who needed to write for himself.
“I, it turned out, had to write for myself. Because I was ostensibly an actor, but I was really a, it turned out I was probably a writer who needed to write for himself”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert recounted turning down the sidekick job on Magic Johnson's talk show while unemployed with a pregnant wife because he believed it would harm his career.
“I've been offered this job on Magic Hour and I have to not take it”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said hosting the show was never his dream and came as a happy accident after he had already quit his previous show.
“this was never my dream. I never had any intention to do this gig. It was... No, I never had any intention to... This was a happy accident that I got this gig”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert praised Bill Hader's decision to write for South Park after SNL as a model of serving work one admires regardless of status.
“Just go serve something that you love already. Like, see, can I be of service to people whose work I really admire? And I thought, that's a great thing to do”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said footage shows Mike Tyson deliberately pulling a punch that could have killed Jake Paul.
“Have you seen the footage where Mike... pulls a punch because if he had followed through, he would have killed Jake Paul”
Linked moment · 48:04Skip to 48:04 using a listen link in the info box.
Sean HayesHayes said he never understood boxing because its goal is to render an opponent unconscious.
“I never understood it. Where the goal is to hit someone so hard that they lose consciousness”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said he would eat a bull but objects to taunting one to death for sport.
“I'll put a bolt stunner in their head and bleed them out. And then I'll grind them up. But I wouldn't want anyone in tight pants to taunt it to death”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert recounted that his mother stood and cheered for the bull at a Madrid bullfight, which he attributed to her Hemingway fandom.
“my mother stood up as the bull was being dragged off and yelled, Viva El Toro! And I'm like, you're from Larchmont”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert joked that his own knowledge is broad but extremely shallow outside of Lord of the Rings, proposing a podcast called A Dangerous Thing.
“I have broad but very shallow, like you cannot get your ankles wet in my level of knowledge in most things other than The Lord of the Rings”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert described seeing Star Wars at age 13 three weeks before its national release after winning radio-station tickets, calling it transformative.
“it grabbed us by the scrotum like it just dragged and I was 13 and there wasn't much to grab at that point and dragged us into the story”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert argued the Lord of the Rings films are generally considered the only perfect trilogy.
“That trilogy is generally considered among the cognizanti in this world to be the only perfect trilogy. It's perfectly executed”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said that despite admiring the films he is primarily a reader of the books, which he rereads constantly.
“I read the books constantly. Oh, you do? I love the movies. I admire so much what they did with it. But I'm a book guy”
- Stephen Colbert
Colbert said he came on SmartLess because early episodes sounded like enormous fun and he admires what the hosts built.
“every one of these I heard, I thought, that sounds like enormous fun to go on. And I underplayed how fun it is to talk to you guys. I admire what you guys have built”
People
In the conversation
- Jason BatemanAmerican actor and director, co-host of SmartLess
- Sean HayesAmerican actor and comedian, co-host of SmartLess
- Will ArnettCanadian-American actor and comedian, co-host of SmartLess
- Stephen ColbertAmerican comedian and host of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Discussed
- Steve CarellAmerican actor and comedian, Colbert's office mate on The Dana Carvey Show
- Amy SedarisAmerican actress and comedian, Colbert's collaborator on Exit 57 and Strangers with Candy
- Paul DinelloAmerican actor and writer, Colbert's collaborator on Exit 57 and Strangers with Candy
- Dana CarveyAmerican comedian and star of The Dana Carvey Show
- Louis C.K.American comedian who was head writer on The Dana Carvey Show
- Robert SmigelAmerican comedy writer and executive producer of The Dana Carvey Show
- Charlie KaufmanAmerican screenwriter who wrote for The Dana Carvey Show
- Viggo MortensenActor who played Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings and gave Colbert memorabilia
- Peter JacksonNew Zealand director of The Lord of the Rings trilogy
- Neil deGrasse TysonAmerican astrophysicist cited by Colbert as an ideal talk-show guest
- Nathan LaneAmerican actor described by Colbert as an old-school talk-show guest
- Magic JohnsonFormer NBA player who hosted the short-lived talk show The Magic Hour
- Bill HaderAmerican comedian who wrote for South Park after leaving Saturday Night Live
- Mike TysonFormer heavyweight boxing champion who fought Jake Paul
- Jake PaulAmerican YouTuber turned boxer
- Brock LesnarAmerican professional wrestler and former MMA fighter Colbert taunted in character
- Elijah WoodActor who played Frodo Baggins, recent guest on Colbert's show
- O. J. SimpsonFormer NFL player whose 1994 freeway chase was televised
- Evelyn McGee-ColbertStephen Colbert's wife, referred to as Evie
- Mary OliverAmerican poet cited by Colbert as a favorite
- Seth MeyersAmerican comedian and host of Late Night with Seth Meyers
Topics
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From the publisher
Walk the Wok and let’s celebrate: it’s future MMA fighter Stephen Colbert. The blackout days, beepers & lovely melon, plus shirts v. skins on Mt. Everest. “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing,” …on the 300th correct-isode of SmartLess.
Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on September 27, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.