Stephen Colbert

Colbert said he views himself as the professional responsible for giving guests a good experience.

“I always feel like I'm the pro, they're not the”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 20:25

Colbert said he banned a former Bush administration official who gave bland answers on air but candid criticism off camera, arguing such guests were not representing their ideas.

“they're not here to actually represent an idea or to be themselves. They're being politicians while they're supposedly talking frankly about politicians”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 19:52

Colbert said he performs through personal hardship because he believes in the show must go on out of personal commitment, not contractual obligation.

“I'm a big fan of the show must go on. Not because the show must go on like there's some contractor, some sword over my head”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 3:17

Colbert praised Bill Hader's decision to write for South Park after SNL as a model of serving work one admires regardless of status.

“Just go serve something that you love already. Like, see, can I be of service to people whose work I really admire? And I thought, that's a great thing to do”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 45:09

Colbert said hosting the show was never his dream and came as a happy accident after he had already quit his previous show.

“this was never my dream. I never had any intention to do this gig. It was... No, I never had any intention to... This was a happy accident that I got this gig”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 43:12

Colbert said the best guests are those who simply want a real conversation rather than sticking to prepared cards.

“The best guests are just anybody who wants to talk and actually have a conversation. Like, the card is immaterial. We don't have to stick to the card”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 23:33

Colbert said the show consumes most of his mental energy, so he has no firm plans until it ends.

“This show takes all of my mind. Like, 95% of my mind every day to do this show”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 6:12

Colbert recounted performing two shows on the night his appendix burst, with producers shielding him from the audience during breaks.

“My appendix burst and I did two shows, actually. It was a two-show night”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 3:44

Colbert said he came on SmartLess because early episodes sounded like enormous fun and he admires what the hosts built.

“every one of these I heard, I thought, that sounds like enormous fun to go on. And I underplayed how fun it is to talk to you guys. I admire what you guys have built”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 1:01:05

Colbert said he remains happy and grateful for eleven years of the show and is already missing his colleagues.

“Still very happy and grateful to have done the show for 11 years. Of course. And pre-missing everyone”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 30:06

Colbert described his staff's ethos as a 'joy machine,' arguing the work must be done with joy or it becomes miserable.

“We call it the joy machine because it's a machine all the time. And you can either do it with joy or not do it with joy”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 26:34

Colbert said the only guest he could imagine for his final show would be the Pope, and that he has written to ask him.

“The only thing I could possibly imagine would be the right last guest is the Pope. Mm-hmm, sure. I've written, I've asked. I've asked him to come on”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 19:29

Colbert said CBS initially barred him from keeping his suits until he proposed selling them for charity.

“And then we said, well, we're just going to sell them for charity. And they went, okay, you can do that”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 15:29

Colbert said the network expects demolition of the set to begin immediately and that his staff will not be paid after the finale.

“I think they're gonna start tearing shit out immediately. I know my staff is not paid the next day”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 8:46

Colbert said his staff will lose their jobs and pay immediately after the final show.

“no one's got a job after that night. I think the next day everyone's fired”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 8:08

Colbert joked that his own knowledge is broad but extremely shallow outside of Lord of the Rings, proposing a podcast called A Dangerous Thing.

“I have broad but very shallow, like you cannot get your ankles wet in my level of knowledge in most things other than The Lord of the Rings”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 54:05

Colbert said that despite admiring the films he is primarily a reader of the books, which he rereads constantly.

“I read the books constantly. Oh, you do? I love the movies. I admire so much what they did with it. But I'm a book guy”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 58:33

Colbert argued the Lord of the Rings films are generally considered the only perfect trilogy.

“That trilogy is generally considered among the cognizanti in this world to be the only perfect trilogy. It's perfectly executed”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 57:55

Colbert recounted that his mother stood and cheered for the bull at a Madrid bullfight, which he attributed to her Hemingway fandom.

“my mother stood up as the bull was being dragged off and yelled, Viva El Toro! And I'm like, you're from Larchmont”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 49:38

Colbert said he would eat a bull but objects to taunting one to death for sport.

“I'll put a bolt stunner in their head and bleed them out. And then I'll grind them up. But I wouldn't want anyone in tight pants to taunt it to death”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 48:48

Colbert recounted that the show had a 13-episode commitment but only eight were shot and seven aired.

“it was a 13-episode commitment, 13-episode buyout. That's why I moved to New York, you know, security. And then we shot eight of them, and seven of them went to air”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 14:36

Colbert said The Dana Carvey Show was a poor fit for its ABC time slot following Home Improvement and was doomed from the start.

“This was on ABC at like 8.30 or something after Home Improvement, whatever, after Home Improvement. It was a pure mismatch. They did not go together at all”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 13:43

Colbert said 52,000 "Last Show" t-shirts had been sold with all proceeds going to World Central Kitchen.

“All the money goes to World Central Kitchen as well. We have sold 52,000 of them”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 46:32

Colbert said he believes he has a good marriage despite scoring poorly on Fallon's spouse quizzes.

“I think I have a good relationship with my wife, but we do terribly on your test”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 44:07

Colbert recounted appearing nude on stage nightly for about two weeks at age 19 in a Spoleto Festival production.

“So I was naked on stage every night for about two weeks”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 30:03

Colbert said he widened the doors during a 2008 home renovation so he could eventually build and remove a boat from his basement.

“when we renovated this house in 2008, I measured the doors and said, we have to get wider doors because I'm going to build a boat down here”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 25:25

Colbert said he took professional arm-wrestling lessons to beat John Krasinski, learning technique matters beyond strength.

“I actually went to one of these professional guys, because there are tricks to win. It's not all just force”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 24:02

Colbert said comedians relentlessly mock one another, recalling a gesture used at Second City to signal someone would be ridiculed all day.

“no one gets ridden harder than a comedian in a room with other comedians”

Strike Force Five: Ep 13: Strike Force Five Returns to Celebrate Stephen Colbert (May 13, 2026) · Listen from 14:57

Colbert said he rarely tested for network roles because he was really a writer who needed to write for himself.

“I, it turned out, had to write for myself. Because I was ostensibly an actor, but I was really a, it turned out I was probably a writer who needed to write for himself”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 37:14

Colbert described seeing Star Wars at age 13 three weeks before its national release after winning radio-station tickets, calling it transformative.

“it grabbed us by the scrotum like it just dragged and I was 13 and there wasn't much to grab at that point and dragged us into the story”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 55:45

Colbert said footage shows Mike Tyson deliberately pulling a punch that could have killed Jake Paul.

“Have you seen the footage where Mike... pulls a punch because if he had followed through, he would have killed Jake Paul”

SmartLess: "Stephen Colbert" (Apr 6, 2026) · Listen from 47:11