712: Matt Abrahams - How to Become a Better Communicator: Speaking With Confidence, Structuring Your Message, and Thinking Fast on Your Feet
Episode of The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk · October 25, 2026 · 55 min
Ryan Hawk talks with Stanford lecturer Matt Abrahams about interviewing, opening and closing talks, small talk, filler words, reflection journaling, and communication structures.
Summary
Ryan Hawk interviewed Matt Abrahams, a strategic communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business and author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter. Abrahams described his lawyer father, whom he credited with valuing truthfulness and trustworthiness, and his teacher mother, whose debates about engagement and structure shaped his interest in communication. He recounted being asked by a startup CEO, "If you were an onion and I peeled back the first several layers, what would I find?" and answering "Onions make me cry," arguing that the lesson for being put on the spot is to commit and connect the answer to a bigger picture.
On hiring, Abrahams advocated "warm calling" candidates before hard questions, researching candidates in advance, asking receptionists how candidates treated them, and coaching interviewees to answer, give an example, and connect it to the role. On speeches, he argued for opening with attention-grabbing statements rather than introductions, starting "like an action movie," closing with a know-feel-do summary, avoiding pre-apologizing for nerves, practicing from a structure rather than memorizing, and using slides only to simplify, amplify, or clarify.
Abrahams also discussed lessons from working as a college tour guide, the risks of humor, small talk techniques including his mother-in-law's "tell me more" and the "white flag" exit, a nightly reflection journal on communication, the "what, so what, now what" structure, a breathing technique to reduce filler words, reading aloud to build vocal stamina, and "Costco credibility" — showing value rather than listing credentials. Hawk shared his own opening question for a talk on high-agency leadership and closed with takeaways.
Chapters
Linked moment · 2:41Skip to 2:41 using a listen link in the info box.
2:41Parents and the roots of communication
Abrahams describes his father's values and his parents' debates about engagement and structure in communication.
- 4:53
The onion interview question
Abrahams recounts an unusual CEO interview question and what his answer taught about responding under pressure.
- 6:57
Hiring better
Abrahams explains warm calling, advance homework, watching how candidates treat staff, and teaching candidates how to answer.
- 13:34
Starting and closing a talk
Abrahams discusses attention-grabbing openings and the know-feel-do framework for closings.
- 19:05
Nerves, memorization, and slides
Abrahams advises against pre-apologizing and memorizing, and outlines a rule for effective slides.
- 25:32
Openers like an action movie
The two compare opening questions, including Hawk's jail-cell prompt and Abrahams's time-traveling language.
- 28:54
Tour guide lessons and humor
Abrahams shares communication lessons from being a campus tour guide and cautions that humor is risky.
- 33:44
Small talk
Abrahams explains 'tell me more,' being interested rather than interesting, and the white-flag exit.
- 36:51
Daily reflection journal
Abrahams describes his nightly communication reflection and weekly improvement plan.
- 40:06
What, so what, now what
Abrahams explains why structure aids memory and how his favorite structure works.
- 42:42
Killing filler words
Abrahams teaches a breathing technique to reduce filler words and recommends reading aloud.
- 47:47
Costco credibility and closing
Abrahams contrasts credential-based and demonstrated credibility, then answers the champagne question.
Key points
What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams argues that when put on the spot, one should commit to an answer and connect it to the bigger picture.
“I think the answer is you commit and you try to connect what you say to the broader, bigger picture”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams says he prefers warm calling over cold calling, both teaching at Stanford and when interviewing, and considers blindsiding candidates unfair.
“When I teach at Stanford's Business School, I don't believe in cold calling. I believe in warm calling”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams recounts asking greeters how candidates treated them, having found many are rude to staff yet polished with the hiring manager.
“I have found many people treat the folks who are greeting and moving them around very rudely”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams says he coaches candidates to answer the question, give an example, and connect it to the job, which dramatically improved his interviews.
“I want you to answer the question. I want you to give me an example so I can really understand what that means”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams argues that attention is the most precious commodity today and that talks should not begin with a slow roll.
“To my mind, attention is the most precious commodity we have in the world today. Our attention is constantly being scattered”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams recommends structuring and ending communication around what the audience should know, feel, and do.
“Know, feel, do. What do you want people to know? How do you want them to feel? What do you want them to do?”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams advises nervous speakers not to pre-apologize because it primes audiences to look for signs of nervousness.
“All we are doing is priming you to pay attention to everything I do that confirms I'm nervous”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams opposes memorizing speeches because comparing delivery to a script consumes cognitive bandwidth needed for connection.
“So I tell my students all the time, it's about connection, not perfection”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams holds that slides should only simplify, amplify, or clarify, and should use images rather than text.
“So slides can help, but they're for your audience. They're not a teleprompter for you”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams urges presenters to start like an action movie with a story, question, poll, or statistic before introducing themselves.
“start your communication like an action movie. How does an action movie start? With action”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams calls humor high-risk 'black belt level engagement' and advises self-directed humor tested in low-stakes settings.
“humor is what I call black belt level engagement. It is risky”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams says the secret to small talk is asking questions and leaving space, citing his mother-in-law's phrase 'tell me more.'
“The secret to small talk is asking questions and then giving space for answers. And that's where my mother-in-law was amazing”
- Ryan Hawk
Hawk rejects the idea that great leaders don't reflect, saying the best leaders he has interviewed reflect constantly.
“I think the idea that that great leaders don't reflect it just couldn't be further from the truth”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams describes nightly recording one communication success and one failure, then reviewing weekly to make a plan.
“I will write down one thing that went really well in my communication and one thing that I didn't think went well or went poorly”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams claims structured information is remembered at least 40% better, citing cognitive neuroscience.
“Structured information is remembered 40% better at least”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams recommends ending each phrase out of breath so the necessary inhale creates a pause instead of a filler word.
“So if we train ourselves to end every sentence and every phrase out of breath, What must I do before I start speaking again? I have to inhale”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams argues that in an AI era a few disfluencies make speakers sound more human and authentic.
“in a world of AI where everything can be perfect and polished, having a few disfluencies and repetitive words actually makes you more human”
- Matt Abrahams
Abrahams says people over-index on credentials and should instead demonstrate credibility through stories, examples, and testimonials, like Costco samples.
“Many of us get locked into demonstrating our competence by listing all the credentials that we have. Show people, tell them stories”
People
In the conversation
- Ryan HawkHost of The Learning Leader Show and author of The Price of Becoming
- Matt AbrahamsLecturer in strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business, author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter and host of the Think Fast, Talk Smart podcast
Discussed
- Rachel GreenwaldAcademic and relationship expert who appeared on Abrahams's podcast
- Jennifer AakerStanford Graduate School of Business professor who co-teaches a course on humor
- Naomi BagdonasStanford Graduate School of Business lecturer who co-teaches a course on humor
- James ClearAuthor of Atomic Habits and habit formation expert
Topics
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From the publisher
The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk www.LearningLeader.com New Book - The Price of Becoming Connect on social: Twitter - @RyanHawk12 Instagram - @RyanHawk12 My Guest - Matt Abrahams is one of the world's foremost experts on communication. He's a lecturer in strategic communication at Stanford's Graduate School of Business and bestselling author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter . His focus is the hardest kind of communication: not the rehearsed speech, but knowing what to say when you're put on the spot: in the interview, the Q&A, the hallway, the toast. This is brought to you by Insight Global . If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. What you'll learn in this episode: Matt's father was quiet but not shy. A lawyer, skipped a couple of grades so he was always younger than his colleagues, a man of few words and very detailed ones. Matt says what he most wants to live up to isn't the intelligence, it's that his father believed in being truthful and trustworthy. His parents asked two different questions about communication, and he's still answering both. His mother taught elementary school and wanted to know how you make it engaging and how you hold attention. His father wanted to know how you organize it and make it structured and understandable. They debated it constantly at home. Attention and structure are still the two halves of everything Matt teaches. When You're Interviewing Someone The best interview question he was ever asked: "If you were an onion and I peeled back the first several layers, what would I find?" It was the CEO's opening line, before anything else. Matt's answer: "Onions make me cry." He got the job. When he asked about the question months later, the CEO said he uses it to knock people slightly off center, and what he remembered was that Matt committed to an answer and conne…
Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on October 26, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.