My Daughter Got Brutally Honest About What I Got Wrong as a Mom (My Biggest Regrets)

Episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast · November 2, 2026 · 51 min

Mel Robbins and her daughter Sawyer discuss Mel's parenting regrets, emotional reactivity, family dynamics, and the mother-daughter bond.

Summary

Mel Robbins was joined in her Vermont home by her eldest daughter, Sawyer Robbins, co-author of The Let Them Theory, who put a series of parenting questions to her. Robbins said her biggest mistake was underestimating her children's capability and rescuing them from struggle. She recounted Sawyer's traumatic birth at a Boston hospital and said she had wanted to be calmer and less reactive than the adults of her own childhood but had not fully managed it.

When Sawyer described her own pattern of becoming emotionally flooded and shutting down, Robbins advised her to decide to change now rather than wait for parenthood, and cited John and Julie Gottman's volcano-and-turtle dynamic and Dr. Gottman's notepad technique for creating a pause. Robbins then described what each of her children, Oakley, Kendall and Sawyer, had taught her, and the pair discussed Sawyer's habit of committing to hard experiences, such as teaching in Cambodia and touring, and panicking only afterward.

Robbins apologized for putting adult stress on her children and said it sometimes felt as though her husband was everyone's favorite. Sawyer argued that the children go to their father to be heard and to their mother for practical problem-solving, and said Robbins's ADHD made her seem less present. Sawyer also reflected on why daughters seek their mothers' validation, and closed with advice, learned from Kendall's therapist, that family members should ask up front for what they need.

Chapters

  1. 0:00

    Introduction

    Mel Robbins introduces her daughter Sawyer and the episode's theme of parenthood.

  2. 2:23

    What parents get wrong

    Robbins says she underestimated her children's capability and describes how parenthood differed from her expectations.

  3. 4:49

    Sawyer's birth story

    Robbins recounts the emergency delivery and blood loss during Sawyer's birth and how it shaped her later births.

  4. 8:15

    Childhood and reactivity

    Robbins discusses wanting to be calmer than the adults in her childhood and her reactive nervous system.

  5. 11:43

    Managing emotional flooding

    Sawyer asks for advice on her own reactivity, and Robbins draws on the Gottmans' volcano-and-turtle dynamic and notepad technique.

  6. 21:22

    What each child taught Mel

    Robbins describes lessons from Oakley, Kendall and Sawyer, including Sawyer's bravery in Cambodia and on tour.

  7. 31:48

    Feeling like the monster

    Robbins apologizes for her stress and tone, and Sawyer explains why the children go to their father to be heard.

  8. 39:22

    The mother-daughter bond

    Sawyer reflects on why daughters seek their mothers' validation and how intertwined their moods are.

  9. 44:43

    Asking for what you need

    Sawyer shares advice to ask for needs up front, and Robbins encourages her to keep working on emotional flooding.

  10. 49:32

    Outtakes

    Bloopers from the start of recording close the episode.

Key points

What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins says she got the balance wrong between supporting her children and rescuing them, when she should have reinforced that they could handle challenges themselves.

    “not rescuing you from the things that are challenging about life, but reminding you that you are capable of figuring it out”

    Listen from 3:11 · Regret

  • Linked moment · 7:45Skip to 7:45 using a listen link in the info box.

    Mel Robbins

    Robbins recommends giving birth in a major medical facility, at least the first time, because things can go wrong.

    “that's why you want to be in a major medical facility, at least for your first birth, so you know what you're dealing with”

    Listen from 7:45 · Childbirth

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins says she believes a mother's state during pregnancy strongly affects the child's nervous system.

    “the state of your mother when you were inside of her has an enormous impact on the way that your nervous system works”

    Listen from 8:43 · Emotional reactivity and flooding

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins says that 30 years ago she lacked emotional tools because therapy was neither common nor affordable for people in their 20s.

    “Nobody went to therapy in their 20s 30 years ago. Nobody could afford it. Nobody knew a therapist either”

    Listen from 8:43 · Psychotherapy

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins argues that the first step to becoming less reactive is deciding you no longer want to be that way.

    “When you make a decision that you no longer want to be this version of yourself, that's the first step to changing”

    Listen from 13:20 · Emotional reactivity and flooding

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins advises Sawyer to start working on her reactivity now instead of waiting until she becomes a parent.

    “Do not wait until you are a parent to try to change this. Your everyday life right now provides the opportunity for you to become less reactive”

    Listen from 13:47 · Emotional reactivity and flooding

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins explains that, as a 'volcano', she becomes more agitated when a partner shuts down, because it makes her feel alone.

    “your shutdown makes me more agitated because I feel more alone”

    Listen from 15:32 · Gottman Institute

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins describes John Gottman's technique of writing down what an upset partner says, which calms him and helps him organize his thoughts.

    “what that does is it slows his heart rate and it helps him organize his thoughts”

    Listen from 18:48 · Gottman Institute

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins says her daughter Kendall taught her that success and meaning come from an unwavering commitment to something important.

    “A lot of success in life and a lot of meaning in life comes from having something that means a lot to you that you're committed to no matter what”

    Listen from 23:31 · Courage and fear

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins argues that bravery requires fear, and that Sawyer's fear comes after she commits rather than stopping her from committing.

    “And what you're talking about is this ability to be brave and bravery does not exist without fear”

    Listen from 29:47 · Courage and fear

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer says she deliberately trained herself to push through fear by putting herself in situations with no way out.

    “I think it's a gift, but it's also I've like trained myself to be like that. Like I've put myself in situations where I had no out”

    Listen from 30:24 · Courage and fear

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins apologizes for putting her adult stress on her children and says she is still working on it.

    “as a child, it's not fair that I put my adult stress on you. And I'm still working at it”

    Listen from 32:41 · Regret

  • Mel Robbins

    Robbins says it feels as though her husband is the children's favorite parent while she is cast as the villain.

    “it does feel a little bit like he's everybody's favorite and I'm the monster”

    Listen from 34:41 · Mother–daughter relationships

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer says the children go to their father when they want to be heard rather than to have a problem solved.

    “We go to dad when we want to be heard because we don't want a solution”

    Listen from 35:28 · Mother–daughter relationships

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer explains that their father, the stay-at-home parent, showed love by listening, which is why the children go to him to be heard.

    “When we grew up with dad, the way in which dad showed us love was listening. He was also the stay-at-home parent”

    Listen from 35:57 · Mother–daughter relationships

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer says her mother's ADHD can make her seem less present during deep conversations.

    “if we come to you, it feels like you have, because of your ADD, ADHD, like you literally have 50 million things on your mind”

    Listen from 38:50 · Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer suggests that the expanded agency women now have, combined with added responsibilities, can breed resentment.

    “It's almost like the overwhelming amount of agency we feel as women brings resentment”

    Listen from 40:45 · Changing gender roles

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer argues that children feel as much pressure to take care of their parents as parents feel to take care of them.

    “what parents don't understand about their kids is that we equally feel that we equally want you to be good”

    Listen from 44:11 · Mother–daughter relationships

  • Sawyer Robbins

    Sawyer recommends that family members ask for what they need up front instead of expecting others to guess during emotional moments.

    “just asking right up front for what you need versus assuming that everyone knows what you need”

    Listen from 46:06 · Emotional reactivity and flooding

People

In the conversation

  • Mel RobbinsAmerican author, podcast host and former lawyer who hosts The Mel Robbins Podcast
  • Sawyer RobbinsMel Robbins's daughter, quoted about her mother's negative self-talk

Discussed

Topics

More from The Mel Robbins Podcast

From the publisher

What if you could sit down with your parents and finally tell them what they got wrong? Or ask your kids what they wish you'd done differently? Today, Mel and her daughter Sawyer are having the kind of honest conversation most families never have. And Sawyer isn't holding back. She asks Mel lots of questions, including: -What do you think you got wrong as my mom? -What do you wish you did differently? -What did raising three kids teach you? Mel talks about her biggest regrets, the mistakes she's still making, and the ways her own childhood shaped the mother she became. But what makes this conversation so special is that Sawyer shares her side, too. You'll hear why Sawyer sometimes turns to her dad instead of Mel, what she wishes her mom understood about her, and how even the most loving families can fall into patterns that leave everyone feeling frustrated or misunderstood. As Mel and Sawyer talk, you'll hear things you can do to make your relationships better, too. In this episode, you'll learn: - What Mel wishes she'd done differently raising her three kids - Why Mel regrets trying to help her kids and what you can do to avoid this mistake - What adult children wish their parents understood - How your childhood shapes the way you communicate, show love, and handle conflict - Why mothers and daughters can have such complicated relationships - One simple question that can change how you communicate with the people you love - How to stop repeating the same arguments and frustrations in your family - A practical way to stay calm when someone pushes your buttons - Why you don't always need to agree to understand each other - How to build a closer, more loving relationship with your family, no matter how old you are Whether you're a mom looking back on raising your kids, an adult who wishes your parents understood you better, or someone who wants less tension and more connection with your family, this conversation will give you a new perspective. You can't change every…

Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on November 14, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.

Categories: Parenting·Relationships·Mental Health