#308 Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn - TikTok's #1 Sex Educator on Why Relationships Are Failing
Episode of The Shawn Ryan Show · May 28, 2026 · 3 h 29 min
Shawn Ryan interviews sex educator Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn about sexual communication, attraction, kink, masculinity, Gen Z loneliness, dating apps and porn.
Summary
Shawn Ryan hosted Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a Cal State Fullerton communication professor and TikTok sex educator, to discuss her research and her book How Do You Like It? She described growing up in a sexually repressive Buddhist household in Thailand and attending a Catholic girls' school, not experiencing an orgasm until nearly 30, and learning about sexual incompatibility through her first marriage. She distinguished chemistry, which she argued cannot be grown, from compatibility, which can, and outlined three pillars of attraction: physical, social and task attractiveness.
Suwinyattichaiporn summarized her 5,000-person study, which she said found more than one-third of Americans in relationships sexually unsatisfied and identified sexual communication as the strongest predictor of satisfaction, followed by sexual mindfulness and sexual self-esteem. She argued sexless marriages are symptoms of deeper problems such as lost attraction, respect or trust, and recommended the "shit sandwich" method for raising hard topics, monthly sex check-ins, non-sexual touch, and her four sexual personality spectrums. She also recounted experiences with orgasmic hypnosis, an anal-pleasure session with a sexological bodyworker, and training with a professional dominatrix for a show she is developing called Sexplore.
Later segments covered why high-performing military men struggle with intimacy, which she attributed to regimented emotional closure and toxic masculinity, and signs of "quiet quitting" a relationship. On Gen Z, she cited declining in-person social time, dating app fatigue, COVID-era Zoom schooling, heavy medication including SSRIs, and bleak views of the future, and disclosed her own fertility struggles. She closed by arguing that porn's harm depends on mindful versus mindless consumption and promoting her roles on Celebs Go Dating and 90 Day: The Last Resort.
Chapters
- 0:05
Introduction and background
Ryan introduces Dr. Tara, who explains her path into relationship research and her sexually repressive upbringing in Thailand.
- 9:42
Chemistry versus compatibility
Suwinyattichaiporn draws on her first marriage to distinguish sexual chemistry from compatibility and describes common sexless long-term relationships.
- 21:26
Knowing how you like it
She explains sexual self-knowledge as a prerequisite to communication and has Ryan describe himself as a sexual person.
- 30:56
Three pillars of attraction
She outlines physical, social and task attractiveness and how men and women prioritize them.
- 47:24
Findings of the 5,000-person study
Discussion of sexual dissatisfaction rates, sexless marriages as symptoms, raising loss of attraction, and the predictors of communication, mindfulness and self-esteem.
Linked moment · 1:25:00Skip to 1:25:00 using a listen link in the info box.
1:25:00Retreats, sex therapy and BDSM training
She recounts orgasmic hypnosis, four types of sex therapy, a sex cruise, and training with a dominatrix for her show Sexplore.
- 1:43:01
Science of great sex and sexual profiles
She presents personal, relational and societal factors and four sexual personality spectrums from her book.
- 1:56:15
Misconceptions, exploration and fetishes
She addresses misconceptions about penises and frequency, ways to spice up sex, and common fetishes like foot fetishes.
- 2:16:51
Military men, masculinity and quiet quitting
She explains why stoic high performers struggle in intimacy and how to detect a partner going through the motions.
- 2:33:51
What men need to hear and practical tips
Covers acceptance, monthly check-ins, the Squeeze Lick Suck game, non-sexual touch, sex toys and dating profiles.
- 2:51:01
Gen Z, fertility and loneliness
Discussion of falling birth rates, her fertility struggles, dating app fatigue, Zoom schooling and overmedication.
- 3:13:48
TV projects and closing questions on porn
She describes Celebs Go Dating and 90 Day: The Last Resort, then addresses what is wrong between young men and women and the effects of porn.
Key points
What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn says her study found sexual communication to be the strongest predictor of long-term sexual satisfaction.
“based on my study, we know now that sexual communication is the strongest predictor of long-term sexual satisfaction”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn argues that sexual chemistry cannot grow over time, contrary to some online experts, while compatibility can.
“I think that's my controversial opinion is chemistry part, it's either you have it or you don't. I don't think it grows over time”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn estimates from professional experience that about half of people married over 15 years have not had sex in a long time.
“half the people that have been married for over 15 years that I've talked to haven't had sex in a long time”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn contends that although women will say personality matters most, task attractiveness such as capability and financial stability is actually most important to them.
“due to social desirability, women will say personality first. But if I have to be really honest”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn believes the one-third dissatisfaction figure from her study is conservative because of survey response biases.
“one third is conservative. I think it's more, but due to when people take surveys, you know, they have biases”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn argues that a sexless marriage is a symptom of deeper relational issues rather than just a sex problem.
“sexless marriage is a symptom of something deeper. It's not just about sex. Sex is never just about sex”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn says research shows people who meditate or do yoga have better sex lives because of their ability to stay present.
“people that meditate, research found that they have a better sex life. People that do yoga, research found that they have a better sex life”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn cites research that the most sexually satisfied couples have sex at least once a week, stressing quality over quantity.
“Research found that the happiest couples, most sexually satisfied couples have sex at least once a week”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn states that foot fetish is the most common fetish in the world and the United States.
“The most common fetish in the world and in the United States is foot fetish”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn argues that military-style regimentation and emotional closure conflict with the vulnerability that sex requires.
“you cannot be emotionally vulnerable. You have to be mentally tough and stay on course with these strict rules”
- Shawn Ryan
Ryan describes toxic masculinity as a facade adopted by men uncomfortable in their own skin who over-embellish toughness.
“toxic masculinity means somebody that is not comfortable enough and their own skin to be a man”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn says people typically quiet quit their relationships six to twelve months before asking for divorce, as she did.
“people usually quiet quit their relationship six to 12 months before they ask for a divorce”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn claims regular non-sexual touch improves a couple's sex life more than touch that signals a request for sex.
“non-sexual touch is better for your sex life. Non-sexual touch regularly is better for your sex life”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn disclosed her own fertility struggles and said each IVF-type round cost at least $15,000, putting treatment out of reach for many peers.
“each round was like at least 15 000 each round and you have to do multiple usually”
Listen from 2:52:52 · Declining birth rates in the United States
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn cites a statistic that young adults' weekly in-person social time fell from 12 hours to five.
“their weekly social time, like in person, hang out with friends in person, used to be 12 hours and now it's five”
- Shawn Ryan
Ryan says he believes Americans are over-medicated and that Western medicine is unraveling.
“I think it's unraveling at a record pace right now. I think we are over-medicated”
Listen from 3:05:21 · Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn argues that Gen Z is heavily medicated and that SSRI use is correlated with low sex drive.
“There is a correlation between low sex drive and taking SSRI”
Listen from 3:09:06 · Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn recommends teaching Gen Z critical thinking and digital literacy to counter divisive social media content between young men and women.
“I think teaching Gen Zs critical thinking and digital literacy, these are two things that are very, very important”
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Suwinyattichaiporn argues porn's harm depends on whether consumption is mindful or mindless, with mindless use being extremely damaging.
“is it mindful or mindless consumption? If it's mindless consumption, it is extremely damaging and detrimental”
People
In the conversation
- Shawn RyanFormer U.S. Navy SEAL and CIA contractor, host of the Shawn Ryan Show
- Tara SuwinyattichaipornThai-born tenured professor of Human Communication Studies at California State University, Fullerton, sex and relationship educator, and author of How Do You Like It?
Discussed
- Esther PerelBelgian-American psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs
- Lori BrottoUniversity of British Columbia sex researcher who studies mindfulness and sexual functioning
- Mistress Damiana ChiLos Angeles professional dominatrix with a psychology PhD who trained the guest
Topics
- Sexual communication
- Sexual satisfaction
- How Do You Like It?
- Sexual compatibility
- Interpersonal attraction
- Sexless marriage
- BDSM
- Toxic masculinity
- Online dating
- Declining birth rates in the United States
- Loneliness among Generation Z
- Pornography
- Sexual fetishism
- Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
- 90 Day: The Last Resort
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From the publisher
Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn is a tenured professor of Human Communication Studies at California State University, Fullerton, where she specializes in sexual and relational communication, online communication, and interpersonal relationships. Her work focuses on how people talk about intimacy, dating, culture, and long-term partnership and how communication shapes everything from attraction and compatibility to emotional connection and relationship longevity. Dr. Tara earned her Ph.D. in Interpersonal Communication from Arizona State University after completing her graduate studies in human communication in California. Her academic research explores the science behind how people form, maintain, and sometimes lose meaningful relationships in a rapidly changing social and technological world. Beyond the classroom, Dr. Tara has become a widely recognized relationship and sex expert, frequently appearing in major media outlets including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Insider, and Men’s Health, and serving as a dating expert on the television series Celebs Go Dating. She is also the host of the Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast, a columnist for Women’s Health Magazine, and a co-host of the iconic relationship advice radio show Loveline. Through her research, media work, and public education, Dr. Tara bridges academic science with real-world conversations about love, intimacy, communication, sexuality, and human connection, helping people better understand how relationships work and how healthier communication can transform the way we love. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get 20% off with promo code SRS at https://shopmando.com! #mandopod Upgrade your wallet today! Get up to 40% off at Ridge during their Father's Day Sale when you go to https://www.Ridge.com/SRS #Ridgepod Head to https://superpower.com and use code SRS at checkout for $20 off your membership. Unlock your new health intelligence with 100+ biomarkers tested every year. Go to http…
Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on September 28, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.