Relationship agreements and social contracts
Subject in Relationships
Relationship agreements and social contracts has come up in 1 episode across 1 podcast in TMT, including Modern Wisdom. 1 person has made recorded remarks about it.
What people said
Stan TatkinAmerican psychologist, couples therapist and author, founder of the PACT Institute
Tatkin insists relationship arrangements must be explicit rather than implied because implied terms invite abuse.
“But it's all explicit. It's never implied, right? Because if it's implied... I'm going to abuse that reality”
Modern Wisdom: Couples Therapist: Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin -#1146 (Sep 5, 2026) · Listen from 1:06:32
Tatkin defines true incompatibility as irreconcilable positions on big-ticket items, not mismatched libido or hobbies.
“We're incompatible. We're not wrong, we're just incompatible. That's true incompatibility. Not you have a greater sex drive than I do”
Modern Wisdom: Couples Therapist: Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin -#1146 (Sep 5, 2026) · Listen from 48:40
Tatkin says deal breakers such as wanting children or monogamy must be known in advance because they cannot be reconciled.
“deal breaker is, should be known ahead of time. I want a baby. I have to have a baby. You hate kids and let's get married”
Modern Wisdom: Couples Therapist: Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin -#1146 (Sep 5, 2026) · Listen from 10:12
Tatkin argues couples are uniquely lacking in governance structures to protect each other from each other.
“Couples don't have any governance, any way of protecting each other from each other because they don't set it up”
Modern Wisdom: Couples Therapist: Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin -#1146 (Sep 5, 2026) · Listen from 8:48
Podcasts
- Modern Wisdom · 1 episode
Episodes
Couples Therapist: Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin -#1146Modern Wisdom · Sep 5, 2026 · 1 h 9 min
Couples therapist Stan Tatkin tells Chris Williamson why attachment biology, threat memory and the absence of explicit agreements wreck long-term relationships.