James Sexton

Sexton says the biggest mid-divorce mistake is seeking feelings like vindication from a legal system that only produces outcomes.

“trying to get a feeling out of a system that doesn't generate feelings. Like they're trying to get a feeling of vindication”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 1:02:28

Sexton warns that fighting over small sums wastes money, giving the example of spending $10,000 to contest an $11,000 account.

“There are people in divorce who will spend $10,000 in legal fees arguing over an $11,000 bank account”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 57:34

Sexton recounts that his own marriage ended after he asked his wife at the kitchen table whether she was happy.

“I said, are you happy? And she just looked at me and she went, do you really want to do this now?”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 40:56

Sexton advises announcing a divorce decision immediately and without reasons, because reasons invite debate.

“So say it in the first 10 seconds, no preamble, then stop talking. Because reasons invite rebuttal”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 35:02

Sexton identifies five categories in which he believes divorce is necessary, beginning with abuse.

“I actually think there's five times, five specific categories where divorce is necessary. One, abuse”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 9:03

Sexton argues that while the pain of divorce is unavoidable, the damage it causes is optional.

“the pain isn't optional. Like They're going to either be painful conversations to avoid divorce or there's going to be painful steps you have to take”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 5:41

Sexton argues that women have always been the gatekeepers of sex, using leg shaving as an example.

“have always been the gatekeepers of sex, like 100% of the time. And the example I've always given to this is that women don't like shaving their legs”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:42:28

Sexton recounts a therapist advising him never to yell at a teenager because it signals loss of control.

“whatever's coming out of your mouth, if you're yelling, what you're telling a teenager is I'm out of control”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:36:48

Sexton argues couples should openly name changes in their relationship, distinguishing designed relationships from ones on default.

“I think it's the difference between a relationship that's designed and a relationship that's on default”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:15:02

Sexton says prenups have been meaningfully enforceable since the 1960s but became popular with the general public only about 20 years ago.

“They've been enforceable in a real way since the 1960s. They really didn't get super popular with the general population until maybe like 20 years ago”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:10:57

Sexton says the craziest enforceable prenup clause he has seen reduced a wife's alimony by $50,000 for every 10 pounds gained.

“The craziest thing that was enforceable was if for every 10 pounds that she gained during the marriage, she lost $50,000 in alimony”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:02:14

Sexton says he raises prenups by the third date because couples should discuss the economy of the relationship early.

“I talk about a prenup on the third date. Like, I think right away that you need to start getting that discourse out there”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 9:18

Sexton says he tells young lawyers they must earn the right to aggressively cross-examine a witness.

“you have to earn the right to beat up a witness. I tell young lawyers who work for me that all the time”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 29:29

Sexton says facts tend to win in court, so a mediocre lawyer with real facts will beat him.

“Like a mediocre at best lawyer armed with real facts is going to kick my ass because the facts just have a way of coming out sometimes”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 27:34

Sexton argues that men wrongly assume female judges will favor women, saying women are often merciless toward women.

“A lot of men think, oh shit, we've got a female judge. And they're completely wrong. Because women are merciless to women a lot of the time”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 21:51

Sexton argues that many right-leaning voters are drawn to Trump's bluntness rather than a cult of personality.

“They like that this is a person who just says what they're thinking. instead of being full of shit”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:23:45

Sexton says his firm saw a wave of divorces in 2017 and 2018 driven by one spouse moving sharply right politically.

“we got a lot of people in like 2017, 2018 getting divorced because it was like somebody went very far right”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:17:28

Sexton suggests divorcing couples jointly post a statement on social media to signal there are no sides to take.

“Both of you should at the same time put something on Instagram that says, you know, yes, our marriage has ended”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 1:20:02

Sexton frames divorce as the restructuring of a family business the former spouses will co-own for life.

“a divorce... ends a marriage it doesn't end a family and you're restructuring a company that you're going to co-own for the rest of your life”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 51:37

Sexton describes a therapist's exercise in which he wrote letters to and from his late mother, and recommends it after divorce.

“write a letter back from her and have her say all the things you needed to hear. And that was much harder”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 1:03:55

Sexton advises people contemplating divorce to examine the previous 18 months for unprocessed grief that may be displaced onto a spouse.

“sometimes it resurfaces 18 months later in a different costume. Like you just start blaming, because who's around you all the time but your spouse?”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 25:26

Sexton argues that hiring a skilled litigator makes going to trial less likely, citing an $8 billion case settled in about a month.

“If you hire a litigator, the chances of you going into litigation get exponentially smaller”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 54:24

Sexton notes that the law gives couples no information when they marry, so many first learn their legal situation in a divorce lawyer's office.

“You get married, you don't even get a pamphlet. Most legally significant thing you're ever going to do in your whole life other than die”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 27:44

Sexton urges couples in the pre-contemplative stage to talk now because delay makes the conversation costlier.

“The conversation you're avoiding is the cheapest today it will ever be”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 21:06

Sexton says divorce lawyers and gyms are busiest right after the holidays and when children return to school.

“right after the holidays, like January 2nd, gyms and divorce lawyers offices are full”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 13:10

Sexton says his vasectomy did not change any aspect of his sexual experience.

“It just cuts off the production. It doesn't change anything about any aspect of your sexual experience”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 2:39:46

Sexton describes Brazilian jiu-jitsu as a form of physical intimacy and trust between men.

“it's physical intimacy between two men and a tremendous amount of trust in each other physically”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 2:22:01

Sexton suggests a new Friends-style multi-cam show could feel fresh to young viewers who did not grow up with the format.

“for young people who didn't grow up on that, they might be like, oh, this is something different”

Modern Wisdom: James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156 (Sep 28, 2026) · Listen from 1:57:49

Sexton recommends specific, tangible offers of help rather than vague statements of availability.

“Like saying like, hey, you know, let me know when you want to get together. Like, hey, let me know. I want to be here for you. Let me know how I can be. Like that is too vague”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 1:16:34

Sexton advises getting therapy before dating again, arguing that rushing into new relationships skips repair and grief.

“get a therapist before you get a dating app. Like too many people go from one relationship to another relationship very, very quickly”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 1:10:07

Sexton recommends copying important financial documents before announcing a divorce in case the spouse reacts poorly.

“make copies of some of the important financial documents, or at least know where things are. Like consider the possibility that this person might react poorly”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce (For You & The People You Love) (Sep 24, 2026) · Listen from 47:28