What this musician’s identity crisis teaches us about navigating change

Episode of TED Radio Hour · September 11, 2026 · 50 min

Manoush Zomorodi talks with cellist Joshua Roman about how long COVID upended his lifelong devotion to the cello, his faith, and his debut album Immunity.

Summary

Host Manoush Zomorodi spent the hour with cellist Joshua Roman, who described growing up in a devout Oklahoma City family where music was a service to God, playing cello from age three, becoming the Seattle Symphony's youngest principal cellist at 22, and building an intense solo career that by 2019 had him living as a nomad on tour.

Roman recounted contracting COVID in January 2021 after a concert in Jacksonville and developing long COVID, with crushing fatigue, breathing trouble, and brain fog. After pushing through a performance of the Saint-Saëns Cello Concerto and a recording project with Edgar Meyer and Tessa Lark, he crashed, put his cello Midge in its case for nearly three months, and faced a crisis of faith about whether music mattered, rooted in having left Christianity as a teenager without finding a new framework for music's purpose.

Roman said a friend's request to play at a summer solstice party led him to pick up the cello again, and that feeling its vibrations while playing a Bach prelude reconnected him to music personally. He described practicing only when he wanted to, working on trusting himself, and believing he now plays better than ever. A Princeton University Concert Series program called Healing with Music became the catalyst for his genre-spanning debut solo album, Immunity, whose title composition emerged as a joyful piece once he stopped forcing it. The episode closed with Roman improvising on his current cello, Cindy.

Chapters

0:43
A childhood devoted to the cello
Roman describes knowing from early childhood that cello would be his life and growing up in a religious family where music served God.
3:42
A packed career before the pandemic
Roman recounts his rise from Seattle Symphony principal cellist to touring soloist and his nomadic, high-intensity lifestyle.
8:03
Pandemic cancellations and catching COVID
Roman describes turning to livestreams after concerts were canceled, then contracting COVID in Jacksonville and developing long COVID.
15:37
Crashing and putting the cello away
After pushing through final performances, Roman collapsed physically and emotionally and stopped playing for nearly three months.
21:51
A crisis of faith in music
Roman explains how leaving Christianity had left him without a framework for why music mattered, and how illness forced that reckoning.
25:05
Returning to the cello
A friend's solstice party request led Roman to play again, where the cello's vibrations reawakened his personal connection to music.
29:56
A healthier relationship with practice
Roman describes practicing only when he wants to, learning to trust himself, and accepting failure.
Linked moment · 34:52Skip to 34:52 using a listen link in the info box.
34:52
Making the album Immunity
Roman discusses the Healing with Music concert that sparked his genre-blending debut album and the joyful title composition.
45:14
Paradox and letting go
Zomorodi and Roman reflect on paradox, losing one's filter, and how Roman has changed as a musician.
47:43
A live improvisation
Roman improvises a short gentle piece on his cello Cindy to close the show.

Key points

What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.

Joshua Roman
Roman says his early certainty about a cello career cut both ways, giving him focus but limiting his time for everything else.
“And I think it cuts both ways. For me, it's been great. It's been great, but it's also been”
Listen from 5:05 · Cello
Joshua Roman
Roman says that before the pandemic he practiced six to ten hours a day and lived at a relentless pace.
“So I used to practice anywhere from six to ten hours a day. I was always reaching, striving to make myself better”
Listen from 6:29 · Musical practice
Joshua Roman
Roman says that during the early pandemic he used the cello as a tool to serve others while ignoring his personal relationship with it.
“I think I was using the cello as a tool, trying to extract all the good that I could from it in a way that would make an impact for other people”
Listen from 9:16 · Cello
Joshua Roman
Roman describes his long COVID fatigue as unlike ordinary tiredness, like having weights inside his body.
“It's this feeling like I'm wearing weights inside of my body or something that I just lifting an arm can be so difficult”
Listen from 11:42 · Long COVID
Joshua Roman
Roman credits his primary care doctor with recognizing possible long COVID and referring him for expert help.
“I'm very, very lucky that my primary care doctor knew about and understood enough about long COVID”
Listen from 12:23 · Long COVID
Joshua Roman
Roman says he had been stuck in a gig mentality, afraid to turn down opportunities and unaware of his own exhaustion.
“I'd been stuck in a gig mentality for much of my career, waiting for the phone to ring, afraid to say no to any opportunity”
Listen from 17:53 · Identity crisis
Joshua Roman
Roman says his crisis stemmed from losing the religious framework that had made him believe music would save people, without having found a replacement.
“I didn't know if I could believe anymore that music would save people because I didn't believe in the construct that had given me that in the first place”
Listen from 23:18 · Christianity
Joshua Roman
Roman says COVID forced him to confront issues he could have faced much earlier.
“It totally forced me into facing something that I could have faced a long time ago”
Listen from 24:55 · Long COVID
Joshua Roman
Roman argues that trying to be a perfect empty vessel for music made him a lesser musician because he left himself out of it.
“I wasn't even really doing that as well as I could because I wasn't letting myself be a part of the equation”
Listen from 26:24 · Vulnerability
Joshua Roman
Roman believes he is playing better than ever after changing his approach to practice.
“another paradox or irony or whatever you want to call it is that I think I'm playing better than ever”
Listen from 29:56 · Musical practice
Joshua Roman
Roman says he decided to stop practicing when he didn't want to, and found his focus while playing improved as a result.
“there was a point that I realized I needed to stop practicing when I didn't want to practice”
Listen from 30:32 · Musical practice
Joshua Roman
Roman argues that practicing is fundamentally about building trust in oneself rather than checking boxes.
“Practicing is about trusting. And just like in any other relationship, trust is a matter of building the trust part, not the verify part”
Listen from 32:02 · Musical practice
Joshua Roman
Roman says the title piece of Immunity emerged only when he stopped trying to force an epic composition and simply played.
“I couldn't force myself to write the piece that I wanted. But when I let go and just played, I came away with the piece that I needed”
Listen from 39:58 · Immunity (Joshua Roman album)
Manoush Zomorodi
Zomorodi relates that postpartum depression caused her to lose her filter, after which her career took off.
“having honestly postpartum depression. And the one thing that came out of that was that I lost my filter and just kind of said what I thought”
Listen from 45:59 · Vulnerability
Joshua Roman
Roman says his skills were merely tools rather than the essence of music, and that he is now the same person with less fear.
“They just weren't the thing. They were just tools that help when you have the thing. So I'm the same person with less and less fear of being who I am”
Listen from 47:29 · Identity crisis

People

In the conversation

Manoush ZomorodiHost of NPR's TED Radio Hour
Joshua RomanAmerican cellist, composer, and TED speaker, former principal cellist of the Seattle Symphony

Discussed

Edgar MeyerAmerican double bassist and composer who recorded with Roman
Tessa LarkAmerican violinist who worked with Roman
Jascha HeifetzViolinist to whom Roman attributes a saying about missing practice
Paul David RomanReverend and church music director, Joshua Roman's father

Topics

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From the publisher

Since childhood, Joshua Roman's life revolved around the cello. But when long COVID forced him to set his cello aside, he had to rethink his approach to life, faith and music. Original broadcast date: September 26, 2025. Support public media with NPR+ and enjoy perks for over 25 podcasts like this one. This show’s perks include sponsor-free listening. Learn more at plus.npr.org . See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences. NPR Privacy Policy

Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on October 3, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.

Categories: Music Interviews·Mental Health·Medicine