What Makes a Good Life? This Study on 26,000 Regrets Will Guide You for the Rest of Your Life
Episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast · May 25, 2026 · 1 h 10 min
Mel Robbins and author Daniel Pink discuss the World Regret Survey, the four core types of regret, and a three-step method for learning from regret.
Summary
Mel Robbins hosted Daniel Pink to discuss his World Regret Survey, which collected more than 26,000 regrets from people in 134 countries. Robbins read regrets submitted by her own audience, and Pink argued that regret is a nearly universal emotion that, when examined rather than ignored or wallowed in, clarifies what people value and helps them improve. He described how an epiphany at his elder daughter's college graduation led him to abandon another book project and study regret.
Pink laid out four categories found across cultures: foundation regrets (failing to do the work, such as saving or exercising), boldness regrets (failing to take a chance), moral regrets (failing to do the right thing), and connection regrets, which he said were the most common. He argued that relationships usually drift apart rather than explode, that people overestimate awkwardness when reaching out, and that inaction regrets linger longer than action regrets because they cannot be softened by downward counterfactuals. Robbins shared personal accounts of hidden credit card debt, reconnecting with her childhood friend Jody Bricken, and working long hours while her daughter was in school.
Pink offered a three-stage process of inward (self-compassion), outward (writing or talking about the regret, citing James Pennebaker's research), and forward (drawing a lesson, including using third-person self-talk). He also recommended imagining a conversation with one's self ten years in the future and concluded that regret makes people human and makes them better.
Chapters
- 0:00
Introduction and audience regrets
Robbins introduces the World Regret Survey and Daniel Pink, then reads regrets submitted by her audience.
- 4:54
Why regret is useful
Pink argues that regret is ubiquitous and useful if people look it in the eye rather than ignoring or wallowing in it.
- 7:28
Origins of the World Regret Survey
Pink recounts how his daughter's graduation and his stage of life prompted him to study regret.
- 12:16
Defining regret and the purpose of negative emotions
Pink distinguishes regret from disappointment through agency and argues negative emotions like grief and fear are adaptive.
- 21:14
Self-compassion and not being 'that special'
Pink urges treating oneself as a friend and viewing a mistake as a scene, not the full measure of a life.
- 24:30
Connection regrets
Pink identifies connection regrets as the most common, and he and Robbins share stories of reconnecting with drifted friends.
- 35:06
Foundation regrets
Pink explains how small repeated choices around money and health accumulate into foundation regrets.
- 37:55
Boldness regrets and waiting too long
Pink says people overwhelmingly regret not taking chances and encourages grace for acting later than ideal.
- 44:22
Agency, the spotlight effect, and inaction
The pair discuss abusive relationships and agency, worrying about others' opinions, and why inaction regrets persist.
- 51:19
Moral regrets
Pink describes moral regrets as the smallest but most deeply held category and advises making amends.
- 53:38
Inward, outward, forward
Pink outlines a three-stage process of self-compassion, disclosure, and drawing a lesson for the future.
- 59:35
Applying the lessons and closing thoughts
Robbins reflects on her own regrets about work and friendship, and Pink offers his final takeaways.
Key points
What was said, by whom, with the exact words. Timestamps jump to the moment.
- Daniel Pink
Pink argues that nearly everyone has regrets, with exceptions being young children, some people with neurodegenerative disorders, and sociopaths.
“The only people who don't have regrets are little kids because their brains haven't developed the cognitive capacity to do it”
- Daniel Pink
Pink distinguishes regret from disappointment by saying regret requires personal agency.
“And so regret has to have agency. It's something that you did. You can't regret something someone else did”
Linked moment · 15:13Skip to 15:13 using a listen link in the info box.
Daniel PinkPink says the most surprising finding of the survey was how universal regrets are across places and genders.
“And so it's the universality of it that surprised me the most”
- Daniel Pink
Pink reports that nearly a third of respondents left email addresses for follow-up, far exceeding his expected 5%.
“We had nearly a third of people leave their email address and say, yeah, it's like, not only do I want to tell you a complete stranger”
- Daniel Pink
Pink cites negotiation research showing that people who reflect on regrets perform better in subsequent negotiations.
“The researchers say, tell me what you regret doing or not doing in that negotiation. So they invite the bad emotion. Then they go to a next negotiation. They do better”
- Mel Robbins
Robbins recounts entering her marriage with hidden credit card debt that eventually grew into $800,000 of debt with liens on her house.
“I entered my marriage with like $20,000 in secret credit card debt. that I couldn't pay off”
- Daniel Pink
Pink recommends treating oneself with kindness and viewing a mistake as a moment rather than one's whole life.
“Treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. Treat yourself like you would a friend and recognize it's a moment in your life rather than the full measure of your life”
- Daniel Pink
Pink states that connection regrets were the most common category found worldwide and that such relationships usually dissolve without drama.
“The most common regret was a regret of connection. All right. And so typically the story was this”
- Daniel Pink
Pink argues that fear of awkwardness is an overblown barrier to reaching out to people.
“This is actually a big lesson for me personally about feelings of awkwardness as a barrier to doing things. Awkwardness is the most papery of paper tigers”
- Daniel Pink
Pink explains that foundation regrets stem from small early decisions that accumulate into serious consequences.
“It's small decisions that you make early in life that accumulate to terrible consequences later on. So I spent too much and saved too little and now I'm broke”
- Daniel Pink
Pink reports that across domains people overwhelmingly regret not taking chances.
“Overwhelmingly, when people don't take the shot, they regret it. Overwhelmingly, and it doesn't matter the domain of life”
- Daniel Pink
Pink cites Daniel Kahneman's work to argue that quitting at the right time typically feels premature.
“Quitting at the right time always feels like quitting too early. That's just the way that it is”
- Daniel Pink
Pink says people overestimate how much others think about them, a phenomenon known as the spotlight effect.
“And it's like what's in social psychology is called the spotlight effect. We think that we're constantly in the spotlight. Everybody's watching us. And they're not”
- Daniel Pink
Pink explains that action regrets can be softened by downward counterfactuals, illustrated by bronze medalists appearing happier than silver medalists, whereas inaction regrets cannot.
“not the silver medalists, right? Because the silver medalists were doing an upward counterfactual”
- Daniel Pink
Pink says moral regrets were the smallest category but deeply held, and that they suggest most people want to be good.
“And in this category, it was the smallest category, but very, very, very deeply held”
- Daniel Pink
Pink asserts that harsh self-criticism does not improve performance while self-compassion does.
“horrifying, lacerating self-criticism doesn't improve your performance. What does improve your performance is self-compassion”
- Daniel Pink
Pink cites James Pennebaker's research that writing about a regret for 15 minutes a day over three days improves how people feel about it.
“If you write about a big regret you have for 15 minutes a day for three days, you feel better about it”
- Mel Robbins
Robbins says attending funerals led her to adopt a habit of texting a friend every day.
“it was attending a number of funerals that made me start this habit where I just have a habit of texting a friend every day, just randomly”
People
In the conversation
- Mel RobbinsAmerican author, podcast host and former lawyer who hosts The Mel Robbins Podcast
- Daniel PinkAmerican author who led a large study on regret
Discussed
- Daniel KahnemanNobel Prize-winning psychologist cited on quitting decisions
- James PennebakerUniversity of Texas psychologist known for research on expressive writing
- Vanessa BohnsCornell social psychologist cited for research on compliments
- Jody BrickenMel Robbins's childhood best friend with whom she reconnected
Topics
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From the publisher
When was the last time you thought about something you wish you'd done differently? A relationship you let drift apart. A mistake you wish you could take back. A conversation you keep putting off. A decision that you now realize was the wrong one. You’re not alone. Regret is actually one of the most common emotions people experience – and it’s the most misunderstood. That’s why Mel invited Daniel Pink, one of the most influential thinkers and authors of our time, to share the findings of his World Regret Survey, the largest study of human regret ever conducted, analyzing more than 26,000 regrets from people across 134 countries. After analyzing regrets from all around the world, his research has found that there are 4 core types of regrets, and based on what kind of regret you're dealing with, there are specific strategies that you can use to process it, learn from it, and move forward. You’re also going to be inspired to take action after hearing what other people regret the most, so you can live in a way that will avoid these regrets for yourself. In this episode, you’ll learn: -The 4 types of regret and how to recognize yours -The one type of regret that shows up more than any other -Why the things you didn't do will haunt you far more than the things you did, and what that tells you to go do today -Daniel's 3-step reset to stop repeating the same patterns and start moving forward -One simple move you can make today to stop repeating the same regret pattern This is not a conversation about the past. It's a conversation about what you do next. Because after studying 26,000 regrets, the answer is clear: You can't change what happened. You can change what happens next. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: This One Study Will Change How You Think About Your Entire Life: The Cornell Legacy Project Connect with Mel: Order Mel’s new product, Pure Genius Protein Get Mel…
Summary, chapters and key points were generated from the episode transcript on September 28, 2026. Quotes are checked word for word against the transcript.