WAIT rule (Why Am I Talking)

Dolly ChughSocial psychologist, behavioral scientist and professor at NYU Stern School of Business

• Chugh says that when she asks the four-option question, about 90% of people say they want to be heard.

  “I think 90% of the time the answer I receive is heard”

  The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 41:46

• Chugh recommends asking whether someone wants to be heard, hugged, helped or high-fived before offering advice.

  “Do you want to be heard, hugged, or helped? And then my addition to that rule is, or high-fived”

  The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 39:26

• Chugh explains the WAIT rule as a reminder that talking about someone else's problem removes their agency.

  “The weight rule reminds us that when we're talking... especially if we're talking about someone else's problem, we're almost always talking at them, which means that agency, that sense of I am my own boss, we're taking it away”

  The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 38:38