Giving and receiving feedback

Chugh says good feedback states the expectation, the observed behavior and the impact, and that the adjective is the least useful part.

“So you stated the expectation. You gave what you observed in the behavior. And then you described the impact it had”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 51:43

Chugh argues that feedback framed in adjectives invites defensiveness while behavior-based feedback is hard to dispute.

“when we give feedback that's in adjectives, It's really easy for other people to become defensive because it's easy for them to argue with it”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 46:34

Chugh advises depriving someone who makes cutting remarks of oxygen rather than arguing back.

“rather than giving them more oxygen by going back and forth, we can take some of the oxygen out”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 44:00

Robbins recounts replacing an angry phone call with a text containing photos and questions after finding her son's friends had left the bunk room a mess.

“So normally the old Mel volcano would pick up the phone and call Oakley and be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I took a deep breath and I put them all on text”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead (Aug 27, 2026) · Listen from 49:43