Shadé Zahrai
Behavioral researcher, confidence expert and author of Big Trust, with a PhD in organizational behavior from Monash University
Shadé Zahrai (Behavioral researcher, confidence expert and author of Big Trust, with a PhD in organizational behavior from Monash University) has appeared as a guest on 1 episode in TMT. Topics they speak about most include Self-doubt, Self-acceptance, Locus of control.
In their words
Positions and remarks grouped by topic, each with the exact quote and where it was said.
Self-doubt
Zahrai recommends lowering standards and aiming for good enough, citing Elizabeth Gilbert's approach to writing.
“sometimes we need to lower our standards sometimes. We need to lower our standards. Don't aim for perfection. Just aim for good enough for now”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 1:14:16
Zahrai contends self-doubt is misunderstood as one thing, leading people to seek a single solution that fails.
“we misunderstand self-doubt as being one blob of worry, insecurity, fear, and anxiety. And that means then if we think it's one thing, we think there's one solution”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 18:15
Zahrai says senior and high-achieving people can have even more self-doubt because they feel they have more to lose.
“sometimes those who have achieved a lot, They have even more self-doubt because they feel like there's even more opportunity for them to fall”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 7:42
Zahrai argues that successful people do not eliminate self-doubt but strengthen themselves to move through it.
“those who are able to truly succeed, it's not that they eliminate the doubt, it's that they've found a way to strengthen who they are to move through it”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 5:25
Self-acceptance
Zahrai assesses Robbins's doubt profile as weak on acceptance and strong on autonomy.
“I think that your doubt profile from what you've shared with me, acceptance is your weak one. Autonomy is your absolute strength”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 53:04
Zahrai cites a study of Nobel Prize-winning scientists being far more likely to have hobbies, especially creative ones.
“those Nobel Prize-winning scientists were three times more likely than regular scientists to have a hobby and 22 times more likely to have a creative hobby”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 31:10
Zahrai recommends replacing over-apologizing with expressions of appreciation.
“So instead of, sorry, I'm talking too much, you would say, thank you so much for listening”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 26:34
Locus of control
Zahrai advises swapping 'should' for 'could' because 'should' triggers reactance and cuts off divergent thinking.
“research also shows that the language of should cuts off divergent thinking. We don't think as clearly. We don't think of solutions”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 51:09
Zahrai claims chronic complaining strengthens neural pathways that make complaining a default.
“they are reliving the situation in vivid detail in their brain. which is creating deeper, more efficient neural pathways, which makes complaining your default”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 45:24
Career imprinting
Zahrai explains that early career experiences create schemas that people carry into new workplaces.
“there's something called career imprinting. where the first few experiences we have in our career end up shaping our sense of identity when it comes to our career”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 1:09:31
Voice and speech clarity
Zahrai says a deeper diaphragmatic voice leads others to perceive a speaker as more credible and confident.
“This deeper diaphragmatic voice, which comes with breath, it comes with gravitas, this leads to perceptions of greater credibility”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 1:00:55
Body language
Zahrai cites recent research suggesting the distance between chin and chest, rather than overall posture, drives feelings of confidence.
“It is the connection between chin and chest. The distance between your chin and chest is what determines how you feel”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 59:03
Worry time (stimulus control)
Zahrai recommends scheduling about 10 minutes of daily worry time in the late afternoon rather than trying to stop worrying.
“at the end of the day, you want to actually schedule in your calendar about 10 minutes of worry time. Not too close to bed because it might keep you up”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 46:56
Impostor syndrome
Zahrai argues feeling like an impostor is common and a sign of growth.
“some studies have found up to 82% of people have felt like an imposter at some point. And the beautiful thing about feeling like an imposter is it is a sign that you are growing”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 38:08
Positive affirmations
Zahrai says research shows positive affirmations backfire for people with low self-acceptance because they contradict self-image.
“if you struggle with self-acceptance and self-esteem, using positive affirmations backfires and makes you feel worse. Why? Because it contradicts how you see yourself”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 33:09
Expectation bias
Zahrai describes Kleck's scar experiment, in which participants whose scars were secretly removed still perceived judgment, as evidence of expectation bias.
“They created the reality they expected. And this is called expectation bias. We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we expect it to be”
The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence (May 11, 2026) · Listen from 7:27
Appearances
How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable ConfidenceThe Mel Robbins Podcast · May 11, 2026 · 1 h 19 min
Mel Robbins talks with behavioral researcher Dr. Shadé Zahrai about her four-part framework—acceptance, agency, autonomy, adaptability—for overcoming self-doubt and building confidence.
Often appears with
- Mel Robbins · 1 shared episode